Some Thoughts on Prayer

My oldest nephew was potty trained pretty early. The only thing the he a difficult time with was wiping his butt after pooping. Being a thoughtful little boy, he would call for his Mom to come clean him up. But, after a couple of weeks, my sister felt he could do it himself and told him that he was now a big boy and big boys wiped their own butts. Now, my nephew was raised a UU, but his grandparents were Lutheran and he was exposed to prayers and had asked about what they were and was given a good Lutheran answer (whatever that may be). One day he told him Mom he was going potty. She got busy with things and after a few minutes thought things were too quiet for comfort. She looked for him high and low and finally found him still on the toilet, his head bowed, eyes shut, hands folded. "What are you doing?" she asked. "Mommy," he said, "I'm just praying to God that you'll come wipe my butt!" (Sorry - John, but after 38 years, that is still funny and sweet.)

I think that day a prayer might have been answered, but after that the kid was left up to his own devises!

One of my Church Ladies friends, who is a seminary student, UU and fellow blogger, wrote a blog post on prayer, which got me thinking. Check out http://www.earthbound-spirit.blogspot.com/

I have struggled with prayer all of my life, until a couple of years ago. Who was I suppose to pray to? Heck, my prayers were never answered, so why bother? What should I pray for? Can I bargain with God? Who is this God? And why would He bother answering my prayers when there were so many, many other prayers sent to Him much more important than mine.

Through a long series of events in my life and after searching for a long time, I was led to the Unitarian Universalist church. What a concept - they didn't really pray. . . they meditated. Hmmm, could that be a form of prayer? When they did pray, it wasn't like the Lutheran prayers I was brought up with. Not to the God in the sky or to Jesus on a cross. They prayed but to a higher power, to the Creator of the earth, to Mother Nature.

Shortly after I discovered the UU church I took a workshop entitled "Cakes for the Queen of Heaven." The curriculum was written by UU minister Shirley Rank and opened up a whole new world for me at the time. The feminine in the divine. The Goddess. Mother Nature. Finally, something I could grab on to, something I could understand.

Being a lifelong tree hugger (I truly hugged trees as a kid) and nature lover, seeing the divine in Nature, the beauty that was all around me and being able to be with people who understood how I could find my higher power in Nature was wonderful. It led me to a women's spirituality (my Church Ladies) group and to another workshop entitled, "Rise Up and Call Her Name," continuation of "Cakes for the Queen of Heaven." This led to serving for over 3 years on the UU Central Midwest District of Women & Religion www.womenandreligion.org which involved the planning of a annual winter conference (WomanSpirit) and a summer women's retreat at Ronora www.ronora.org . As part of the conferences and retreats, there was a heavy emphasis on ritual work. Writing, developing and participating in various rituals became almost second nature to me. It was fun, rewarding and fulfilling in many ways - both in group ritual and the small, quiet rituals I did for just myself. And I still participate, enjoy and look forward to both types of rituals.

But what does all of this have to do with prayer?

As I participated in ritual, assisted with sweat lodges, drummed, danced and talked with other women I found myself opening to the thought and action of prayer. How it came in all different forms - not only with hands folded and head bowed, but dancing, laughing, drumming, sweating, singing and ritual. I began to understand that prayer was and could be, to me, both meditation and action.

Over the years my thoughts and beliefs have changed and grown, but in my late 30s and into well into my 40s, this all had a huge, positive impact on me. And, slowly prayer came into my life.

There is a Garth Brooks song - Unanswered Prayers, in which he sings about a woman he loved and wanted as a young man. He prayed that he would have her forever. At the time he thought that what he was praying for was want he truly wanted in life. But this prayer was never answered and they went their own ways. In reflection many years later he realized that it was a blessing. He couldn't imagine what his life would have been like if that prayer would have been answered. He realized he was so happy with the way his life turned out, the way it was. One of God's greatest gifts is unanswered prayers.

When I first heard that song it was a "aha" moment. Maybe for all those years I was praying for the wrong things and, who knows, maybe even praying to the wrong . . . well, thing (person, deity, saint, God?). Maybe my life was turning out just as it meant to be - rocky roads, pot holes and all. Maybe my prayers had been answered, but just not quite as I expected them to be.

Ahhh, not the way I expected them to be.

Are my prayers now being answered? Yes. No. Maybe. I'm no longer focused on the answer, but rather the intent.

So, now when I pray it is usually a prayer of gratitude. Gratitude for my life - as it is, as it will become. I pray for loved ones in need, I pray for those I don't know, but need help. I pray that all is well in my world and the world around me.

I find myself praying in nature without even being aware of it. Planting flowers, hiking, walking the dogs, seeing birds in flight and the leaves changing in the fall. Prayers are all around me if I stop to look and listen. Sometimes prayer and states of grace go hand in hand.

I pray as a leap of faith - that there is something out there that is hearing me, listening to me. I believe there is.

I pray because I truly believe the energy we put forth in prayer makes its way to where we send it - a loved one who is sick, a friend in need, a thought for a better world. I see my prayers as bluish-white light, as a beam being sent out from my heart, my soul.

Who do I pray to? While if it is a active thoughtful prayer (not in a state of grace as in nature) I pray to both the Mother and the Father as I see my higher power as a mixture of both (with a little more emphasis on the feminine).

And I end my prayer with "Blessed Be. Amen." A nod to both my current Earth-Based spiritual beliefs and the God I was raised with.

And, sometimes I end them with this - Merry meet, merry part and merry met again. The circle is open, but never broken. Blessed be.

The Caffeine Test

Thanks, Earthbound-Spirit, for another fun quiz. This, after eating a chocolate donut!

Click link to take the test: http://www.oneplusyou.com/q/v/caffeine

New Girl In Town

Four generations: Terri, Lindsey with Taylor, and Terri' s Mom, Pam

My gal pal, Terri, became a grandmother for the 2nd time last week. Her daughter, Lindsey, had a little girl, Taylor Elizabeth. Taylor joins her big brother, Payton. Unfortunately, all I had was my phone camera. Terri sent me the beautiful picture above.

Hey - when Lindsey discovered her baby was a girl and decided on the name Taylor Elizabeth, no one "got" the reverse of the name of a very beautiful and talented actress! I think Taylor will be even more beautiful and talented in what ever she wants to be!

Jeremy, Taylor's daddy, just returned from Iraq and is now in Kansas. He will met his daughter on Friday. This was Jeremy's second tour in Iraq. Thank goodness he is home safe and sound. And, to make it even better - everyone in his unit came home!

Here is a proud big brother!

I guess it isn't always easy being a big brother!

Listening to the Rain

I'm listening to the rain.

It's a nice, calming sound.

Phil drove back home tonight after coming up late this afternoon. He just called to say he arrived home safe and sound and that it was raining down there, too. We both said it would be a nice night to snuggle and listen to the rain together. Oh, well . . . sometimes 76 miles seems like 1,076 miles.

The good thing about listening to the rain is I won't have to go out and shovel it!

More on Friendship

This past week I had the pleasure of spending time in Atlanta with my gal pal, Anne-Marie, who flew over from her home in Ireland.

We stayed with my sister & brother-in-law, Sue and Marty, who were wonderful hosts to both of us (well, I'm there A LOT as it is). Anne-Marie thoroughly enjoyed Sue and Marty as well as their great home.

Anne-Marie and I don't see each other a lot due to living on different continents, but when we do see each other it is like the years and miles fall away. We truly enjoy each other's company and travel well together. She is friendly and easy going and up to try anything.

Highlights included Callaway Gardens, Anna Ruby Falls, hiking the Appalachian Trail for about 4/10 of a mile - just long enough so that she can honestly say she was on it (after explaining to her what it is all about), and hiking up Brasstown Bald Mountain.

Philip flew down on Thursday and treated all of us to a great time (despite the cold and rain) at a Braves game. Marty caught a fly ball and presented it Anne-Marie and Phil arranged for her to receive a "goodies" package which included a Braves hat. Phil drove us drove down to Reynolds Plantation so Anne-Marie could see where we plan to purchase a home and live. I am so pleased that the 2 of them finally had a chance to get to know each other.

It was a busy week. Anne-Marie loves to shop so there was a lot of stores (ahhh, those Brighton bags!). And, there were wonderful chats over the tea pot.

Now she's back home and so am I. I feel a little empty. I miss her company and her laughter. We parted with no immediate plans to see each other, although we discussed the possibility of meeting in Rome or someplace in Spain within the next year or so. Maybe I'll go back to Ireland for a 4th time and we'll tour Northern Ireland or southeastern Ireland - places I haven't been yet. Maybe Phil will come along and golf while we talk and shop.

What I do know is I'm blessed with the friendship of this kind and generous woman. I know our friendship will last until neither of us are able to pick up the phone and call or text each other! And, I also know that the next time we are together it will time time filled with chatter and love.

Will It Never End?

I have had it with winter. I hate it and I want out! We are in the midst of a spring blizzard today. Yuck.



Having SAD is bad enough and makes every winter difficult, but this winter has been the worse on my psyche than any other I can remember.



The last week of somewhat nicer weather, the melting of 90% of the 80+ inches of snow we have had (and I have personally shoveled), has just been a tease. Not only for me, who was thrilled to see my daffodils pushing up, but for my dogs, too.


Lucy Lou, my "outside" girl, was spending more and more time sniffing the grass she hadn't seen in 4 months and finding spots of afternoon sun to it in. Both dogs are restless. We had started our long walks again and now - well, none of us likes walking in the snow and ice.


Phil has told me several times that we only have two more winters to go before our retirement. If the next one is as bad as this winter has been, I may just quit and find a beach to bum food on for the next the rest of my life!


What a drag this winter has been.


Oh, yeah . . . Happy Spring!

Piano Man

Sunday night my boyfriend and I (along with my nephew and his wife, Patrick & Pam) saw Billy Joel at the Bradley Center.

He rocked the house down.

It was also a great reminder of the influence his man as had over music during the last 30+ years. He's been around, he's a survivor. He's the piano man.

However, he didn't sing one of my favorites, "Uptown Girl." Maybe Christy got the rights!

But, if you want to hear it, try this link (he still had hair in this video!):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2F-nt7aC_JQ&feature=related

If you ever get the chance - go see him. It was a great show.

Good Reads

Just finished a couple of books I would like to recommend. While I won't really get into the story details (you can google the books and read about them on your own), I would like to offer my opinion them.

First - One Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini. Hosseini also wrote The Kite Runner, a book I enjoyed tremendously. This takes place in Afghanistan, starting in the 1970s through around 2004. It is the story of 2 women, a generation apart, who come together and become each other's life lines.

I have to say this book is one of the most powerful books I have ever read (well, I listened to it on CD). It is well-written, spares no details on what live was like in the city of Kabul during this time period of communist rule, its downfall and the rise and fall (? if it really has) of the Taliban and of what life was like for women these time periods.

If you love to read, this book is a must for anyone. I would love to discuss it further.


Next is Body Surfing by Anita Shreve. I've read several of her books and enjoy them. It was a good read and a good examination of families and the interactive active relationships within them and the sometimes risk it takes to love again. Shreve is not for everyone and I will admit there was one of her books I didn't finish, but Body Surfing is pretty good.

And, finally, I FINISHED Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett. What can I say? It wasn't one of my all time favoritesm it was interesting and had a very good story line. I'd recommend it if you have a long time to read it! Great history of medival England, the Church and all of the politics, written around several love stories and the story of a monk who dreamed of building a catherdral.

Voting

I was 174th at my voting precinct today when I walked in at 3:50 pm.

I have to admit, I was undecided as to who I would vote for. For me, there were two great choices. I've done my reading, mulled over the issues, even discussed the candidates with others (which I NEVER do as I really hate politics) and I still wasn't sure.

So, there I stood, ballot in front of me, still debating. What to do? Who to vote for?

I made a decision and drew the line to complete the voting arrow.

This was the first time in all the years that I have been voting that the decision was so difficult for me to make.

For me, it was the right decision. However, I have faith in the other candidate.

What a mess.

One other note: Why is Hillary Clinton always referred to as "Hillary" and Barack Obama always referred to as "Obama?" Has anyone else noticed this?

Life's Persistent Questions

As part of its adult education program, my church offers UUnity Circles. The circles are a group of 7 to 10 adults who meet approximately every 3 weeks. Each circle has a "theme" that they discuss. For example: there is one entitled "This I Believe" based on the NPR program and yet another is geared towards discussing Buddhism, and another may discuss spirituality in every day life.

The groups are formed "as a way for people to explore their deepest understanding of life in the midst of a community of faith" as stated in the brochure promoting the circles. When I heard about the UUnity circles I was interested, excited and eager to join. I am not an active member of my church so I thought this would be one way to still be part of the church community.

The group I selected was "Life's Persistent Questions." Each person (there are 10 of us) put several questions into a "hat" and each time we meet we discuss one or two questions.We meet in each other's homes. The meetings begin with the chalice lighting, a short reading chosen by the host or hostess, a check-in from each person and then the discussion, followed by another reading at the end. We meet promptly from 7 to 9 pm.

This time the question was: Suppose that today were the last day of your life. As you think back over your life, what were your happiest, most joyful and/or meaningful experiences or relationships and what have you accomplished that makes you the most proud?

I have really been thinking about this. Up until about 5 or 6 years ago I would tend to think about the negative things I had done - and there are plenty! I remember shortly after I bought my house I was commiserating about what I saw as all negatives in my life. I was with my gal pal, Sally. Finally she got fed up listening to me and basically said, "Girl - look around you. You own a home. You have a good, stable job. You have a loving family and lots of caring friends. Wake up and smell the coffee!" And, slowly I began to see things differently. With the help of good friends, supportive family and a good man in my life, I realized there are and I have done far more good than bad and I should be proud of what I have accomplished thus far.

But thinking about them and then discussing them openly with others seems like tooting your own horn. The old negatives creep in: I'm not college educated. I don't have a high paying "power" job. I haven't had a successful marriage. I don't have wonderful children (or any children). I haven't gone back to school mid-life. I haven't served in the Peace Corp or raised millions for charity or yadda, yadda, yadda.

See a pattern here: NOT, DON'T, HAVEN'T - all negatives. So, what have I done that I am proud of? What are my most joyful and/or meaningful experiences? Well, here's goes. Not in necessarily in any order unless otherwise stated, here is what I talked about:

First and this is the most important accomplishment of my life because without having done it I deeply believe I would not be here right now. On August 29, 1993 I walked into an AA meeting for the first time. I have remained sober since. I have been active in meetings, made some wonderful, awesome friends and have turned my life around in every single aspect. This hasn't made me a perfect person by any means and boy, do I have my faults, but it gave me the tools to live my life in a much better way then I had lived up until that day in August, 1993. Thank God I took that first step and thank God for Bill W. and Dr. Bob. All the good in my life since that day in 1993 is a direct result of being in AA.

Through instinct or just being blessed, I have surrounded myself with good people. Good friends who I treasure and love more then they will ever know. From gal pals that I have had since childhood, to my wonderful church ladies, co-workers who became friends. They have loved me and supported me and put up with shit from me, hanging in there for whatever it was worth. I only hope that I have been there for them when they needed me and that they know I will always be available to them.

One of my greatest accomplishments (not sure that is the correct term) is being a bone marrow donor. Having been an avid blood donor most of my adult life and just over one year into my sobriety, I was able to donate bone marrow to a young, vibrant woman who had leukemia. Becky is healthy and happy, all these years later. We have stayed in touch, much to my joy. She has a wonderful husband and they have adopted 3 great kids. It was such an easy thing to do, yet had such a huge impact on so many people besides myself - Becky (obviously), her husband, Cary, their families and friends. And, there are 3 little kids in Michigan who have awesome, loving parents because of me. And, again, it was soooo easy!

Through some other grace, I have been with my job (albeit in a ton of different positions) for over 30 years now. The word "pension" and "security" that my parents pounded into my head must have stuck! I haven't always been happy with my job, but right now I am in the best place I couple possibly be and look forward to retiring in less then 3 years. Halleluiah!

Shortly after my divorce I became involved with a very loving and caring man who was raising his 4 children on his own. Because this was my first "sober" romantic relationship, I look on it as the first "adult" relationship I had to this point. While we were only together for a year, this relationship had a huge impact on how I look at loving relationships and what I really wanted in a relationship. During the course of that year I became very close to his youngest daughter. For a few years after we broke up, I remained close to her and spent a lot of time with her. Both relationships, with him and his daughter taught me I deserve the type of love I always wanted and dreamed about and, it taught me that I would have been a good mother if I would have had children (and been sober). I learned so much about myself during this time.

In the late summer of 1999, with no money and no resources, I bought my house. For someone who lived and continues to live, barely from paycheck to paycheck, I think this is a great accomplishment. I love my house (see previous, older posts). It is my home.

As I grow older I have deepen my appreciation of nature. From puttering in my little garden to hiking up mountains, down canyons, or walking along the beach of an ocean, nature is everywhere. Many, many of my greatest experiences or times of joy happened experiencing nature - zip lining in Costa Rica, seeing the land of Georgia while I sky dived, looking out of a cave in Sedona, AZ, the mountains in Ireland, the lochs in Scotland, the birds out of my living room window. Times of pure and simple grace have happened while I was planting annuals in my yard or pulling weeds. I have learned to be open to all of this and let nature show me her beauty.

I have learned the pleasure of simple joys. Playing gin rummy with Phil, laughing with my girlfriends, listening - really listening to people, laughing at the antics of my dogs, watching my great-niece take her first steps and to be, oh, so very grateful and thankful for being given these simple pleasures.

I am glad I really got to know my parents and was able to see them through adult eyes. They are and were wonderful people who truly loved each other and their "girls." They raised us the best they could and did a darn good job. They knew when to help and when to let go. I am blessed to have the parents that I did.

I am sure there will be more accomplishments to come, more happiness and joy - along with the rain that falls into all lives. There are things I would change in my life if I could, things I would do differently. But, overall, I have a good life, a full life and a happy life. I like what I see, and in the end, that is all that matters.

Good Reads / Bad Reads

I have read or listened to a couple of books recently. Two of them are for my book group. The others are just for pleasure - although I consider reading (or listening to) a book one of the greatest pleasures in the world.

In January the book club discussed The Dogs of Babel by Carolyn Parkhurst. The overall consensus was that it was well-liked and enjoyable. It is the view of a marriage from the husband whose wife died when she fell out of tree. He is trying to come to terms with the fact that she was mentally ill and committed suicide. The only witness to her death was their dog, Lorelei (great name for a dog). Therefore, he feels he must get Lorelei to tell him exactly what happened. It is the story of a breakdown and the coming back from a great loss. It does also tell the story of some very sick people who believe dogs actually can talk (communicate like humans) by surgically altering their vocal cords, jaws, etc. Luckily, that part is not a large part of the story. I enjoyed it. I thought it had interesting characters and character development. The main character was not interest in surgically altering his dog, so the way he was trying to teach her was both sad and funny. The book was a fast read, too.

In February we will be discussing Plain Truth by Jodi Picoult . Let me begin by saying that when my girlfriend, Sally, read Picoult's My Sister's Keeper she called me up and said, "Girl, you got to read this book!" She went on to say the ending would "knock me on my ass!" Well, I did read (actually listened to) My Sister's Keeper. It was an awesome book and, yes, the ending blew me away. When the surprise twist came at the end I actually pulled my car over. I couldn't believe it.

So, I looked forward to Plain Truth. It is about an Amish girl who delivers a baby in the family barn, which is later found dead and the high powered, burned out lawyer who defends her. While I enjoyed the basic story, learning more about the Amish and liked most of the characters, I found the story turned sluggish and I got a little bored. The "surprise ending" was no surprise. All throughout the book I kept thinking, "why isn't she (the attorney) asking the obvious question." So, when the question was answered, by a character volunteering the information, I was more angry at the author than surprised at the story punch. Duh! A good attorney would have asked this question from the beginning. Oh, well . . . it will be interesting to see what the book group thinks.

I listened to, or tried to listen to Half Moon by Alice Sebold. Having loved her book, The Lovely Bones, again I looked forward to this book. The story is about a woman in her late 40s who has been caring for her elderly mother all of her life. One night she snaps while caring for her now 88 year old mother and smothers her to death. The next 24 hours examines the daughter's life with the domineering mother, the actions she takes and her relationship to others around her. Now, I really can't relate to a "mother from hell." I had a warm and loving mother. So, maybe this had do with not relating to the main character at all. I wanted to slap her upside the head and yell "SNAP OUT OF IT." Therefore, I stopped after the 5th CD and skipped to the last CD and listened to the last few minutes of the book. The whole thing irritated me. I really didn't like the main character and since she narrated the book, I didn't care for the book. Also, the "reader" of the book on CD had a monotone, bored voice. This didn't help.

As for Pillars of the Earth? I'm well over half way through and still plugging along. I still am enjoying it. And, I will finish it. Really!

Rate My Life

Took this quiz. Thank you Earth-bound Spirit for the link. I think I have a pretty darn good life. And, according to the quiz, I rated higher than the average person. I'll keep it!

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	7.5
Mind:	7
Body:	6.6
Spirit:	9.2
Friends/Family:	5.6
Love:	7.7
Finance:	7.5
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

Next Super Model

We don't get many perks as government employees. No bonuses. No fancy business trips. No holiday parties paid for by the company. So, once in a great while when something comes along that might be fun, I jump at the chance.

Today there was a video shoot and still shots taken for our new recruit brochure and Public Service Announcement. I was asked if I would like to pose as a "victim" (or customer, however you want to look at it, I guess) in a med unit. Being a camera ham and seeing a fun opportunity, I agreed.

Since I had on a sweatshirt that had a MFD patch on it, I turned it around on my body and climbed into a med unit. I had never been in one and hope I am never in one again, but it was cool. I posed with Josh, who is a paramedic and assigned to my division in Community Relations, and Jenny another paramedic assigned to the field. Josh, by the way, will be moving on in a week as he will be promoted to a paramedic lieutenant!

Josh hooked me up to an IV, Jenny took my blood pressure and hooked me up to the heart monitor and Darin, our AV guy, shot video and then stills.

I was suppose to look very sick. I think I did a great job! Ha! One of the 20 still shots Darin took (similar to the ones in in this post) will be on the front of the brochure. Boy - I can't wait to see how bad I look in the video!

This last picture was taken for laughs, although I am sure there might have been a few times that Josh wanted to strangle me!

Plugging Away

My boyfriend read Ken Follett's Pillars of the Earth. It took him a while, but he loved it and refers to it as one of the best books he has ever read.

After he was finished he gave it to me to read. And, I have been reading, and reading, and reading.

I must say that I am enjoying it. All 973 pages. I'm currently on page 442. And, I will admit to glazing over part of it.

It is about a monk in the 1400s who builds a cathedral. Now that is a grand simplification. There are a dozen subplots and all of the characters are interesting. I am learning about the Middle Ages - its mason work and how these great cathedrals were built, the Church and its influence over every day life, politics of the time, what life was like for both the peasants and upper class, life on a monastery, etc. It was not an easy life not matter where you lived or what you did! Plus, there is a lot of violence, raping and just plain meanness going on. On the flip side, it also shows love between a man and a woman, love of family and love of God.

Since I started it I have read one other book (Dogs of Babel for my book club, which I recommend). I doubt that I will take another book break from it as I'm pretty caught up in it now that I'm almost half way through.

So, if you want to spend these long winter evenings reading a good book, I recommend this one. It will take you through to spring!

Oh, one more thing. I thought of listening to it on CDs in my car. Thirty-two CDs for the unabridged version! I'd have to drive to China and back!

Winter Pictures

In my attempt to appreciate winter more, I took pictures in my yard on December 29th. The next day I took a short trip to Cedarburg, WI and brought along my camera.

Cedarburg is a small, charming German town about 25 miles north of Milwaukee. My grandparents lived in this town in a house built by my Grandmother's grandparents. I have wonderful memories of Cedarburg and my grandparents (Oma and Opa). Cedarburg is a great place to shop and is host to many festivals throughout the year. It has grown, but has kept its old world charm.

Anyway, here are the pictures I took. The first few are from my garden, the rest are from Cedarburg.

Long Winter Nights

I don't do well in winter.

I have SAD (Seasonal affective disorder) to some extent. So did my Mom, so I guess I inherited it.

I try to be aware of it. I try not to let it affect me, but these long dark nights and cold days really do a number on me - my health, my emotions, my attitude - just everything.

I want to live in a climate where in winter I grab a light coat to go out - not a heavy coat, scarf, hat, mittens, warm socks and ugly shoe-like boot things to keep my feet dry.

I dislike getting up in the dark and coming home in the semi-dark. I dislike not being able to walk my dogs because of the cold (and salt on the sidewalks) and I don't feel safe walking them in the dark during the winter. Where are my flowers? Buried deep beneath the soil. I start to doubt if I will ever see them again!

I get so anxious. I get easily frustrated. My emotions run high and then low - I bounce all over the place. I shut down-figuratively and literally. I'm tired. Where's my cave? I put on (even more) weight. I cry a lot and am overly sensitive. Did I mention that I am so very tired? It is like my emotions are on a tight rope and I'm not doing a very good balancing act.

I want the sun. I've sick of snow and it's only the first month of winter. I'm sick of my shovel.

Although I get a lot of reading done, I lose energy and interest in other things. I have great plans for projects to do each winter and each winter I fail miserably at them - I rarely even start them.

I want to be left alone, yet I feel clingy.

I try to see the beauty in the season, and I do to a point. I enjoy the beautiful sunsets in winter, the fresh, crisp air, fresh snow on the trees. I like seeing kids playing, building snowmen, sledding. I love watching the birds at my feeder - stocking up before a storm.

Then the snow gets dirty and ugly. The streets are filthly, garbage piles up, my car is dirty all of the time. I hate it.

UGH! It is so frustrating.

I need sun. I need warmth. I need a long walk with Phil, with my dogs.

After this winter, only 2 more before I can retire. It can't come soon enough. After I retire I only want to see snow on calendar pictures.

More Books

As I mentioned in my last post, there were 19 books that were not chosen to be read by my book group in 2008. Of the 19 I have read 4 (Time Traveler's Wife, Anywhere But Here, Daughter of Fortune and The Thirteenth Tale) and have 1000 Splendid Suns (audio version) on the waiting list to get from the library.

Will I read the other 14? Don't know. I'm only familiar with a couple of them and I might read those. So unless I get any input on any others, I probably won't. The book I recommended, The Thirteenth Tale, didn't make the cut. It is a great book, unusual, somewhat Gothic. Sally recommended it to me and I loved it. Oh, well . . . it has a great website - http://www.thethirteenthtale.com/ - check it out!

Here is a list of the books not chosen:

Evil Genes by Barb Oakley
Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger
Almost Moon by Alice Seybold
1000 Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini
Dante Club by M. Perle
The Most Wanted by J. Michard
Anywhere But Here by Mona Simpson
Long Way Gone by Ishmael Beach
Loving Frank by Nancy Horan
Bethlehem Road by Ann Perry
Farmboys by William Felloews
Being Dead by Jim Crace
Daughter of Fortune by Isabelle Allende
Under the Banner of Heaven by Jon Krakauer
The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield
Vegetable, Animal, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver
The Most Famous Man in America by Debby Applegate
Yiddish Policeman's Union by Michael Chabon
Service Included by Phoebe Damrosch

Enjoy!

Book Club

I belong to a Women's Book Group through my church http://www.uucw.org/


The group recently selected the books to be read in 2008. Unfortunately, I couldn't attend that night, but am happy with the books chosen. I've read 3 of them already so it should be an easy year.


I have either read or listened to: Saving Fish from Drowning by Amy Tam (excellent, I enjoy her books); Snow Flower and the Secret Fan by Lisa See (grabbed at the airport on the way home from Costa Rica and glad I did!) and Walk in the Woods by Bill Bryson (listened on CD - very funny and highly informative book about the Appalachian Trail).


I find the list includes one classic and a host of fantastic authors.

So, here is what I will be reading for sure the next year. Plus, all the books on CD and other recommendations. My next post will be of the books not chosen for 2008 - there are 19 of them. These women LOVE to read!


Dogs of Babel by Carolyn Parkhurst
Plain Truth by Jodi Picout
Come Along with Me by Shirley Jackson
Lolita by Nabakov
Saving Fish from Drowning by Amy Tan
Pushing the Bear by Diane Glancy
Snow Flower and the Secret Fan by Lisa See
1000 White Women by Jim Fergus
Walk in the Wood by Bill Bryson
Alias Grace by Margaret Atwood
Shattered Dreams by Irene Spencer

Wrapping Gifts (A Lesson in Frustration!)

I'm wrapping presents tonight.

Unfortunately, I'm terrible at it.

Luckily, I don't have too many to wrap!

Thank goodness for gift bags!!!

Ho! Ho! Ho!

Still of the Night

Winter Solstice

Of all of the Earth-based holidays/celebrations, winter solstice is my favorite. Not only because of its closeness to the Christian celebration of Christmas, but because it means the return of the light. The end of the year, the birth of a new year. A time of hope, joy and peace.

The midwinter sun stays a little longer each day. The return of the sun light brings forth the moment of new beginnings.

For me it is a time of reflection, a time of hope, a fresh start to the new year. A time of knowing that the days are longer and having the sun light kiss my face.

Tonight it is snowing like crazy. I've just returned from Terri's house where I brought her a Middle Eastern birthday dinner (Happy Birthday, Terri - December 17th). The drive home was slippery and I am happy to be in my snug house, flannel pj's and drinking hot chocolate. The dogs are curled up on my lap and at my feet and I'm looking at the Christmas lights in my living room. My bird feeders are full so the birds won't be hungry in the morning. A new shovel is waiting for me on the front porch. Phil is with his daughter this weekend, but I know he is with me in spirit, as always.

I feel peaceful. I feel content. Solstice will be here in a few days. I will light candles and know that all is well, that all is well, that all is well.

May the circle open, but never be broken. Merry meet and merry part and merry meet again. Happy Solstice every one.

For a cool website on Winter Solstice see http://www.candlegrove.com/solstice.html