A PLATONIC VISIT

My good friend, David, came for a visit in May for five nights.    We went up to Helen, GA and then to Anna Ruby Falls.  We went to the Aquarium and saw the dolphin show (very cool) .  We visited with my sister and brother-in-law and went to a couple of MeetUp functions.  We also just hung out and talked. 

Me and David at Anna Ruby Falls

I've known David for about eight years.  He has been a very good friend to me and I hope he feels the same about me.  When Phil died over a year ago now, David was the first one at my side and shared his stories of depression and suicidal thoughts.  His insights were extremely helpful to me.  In fact, David's insights on life are always interesting! 

We've had a lot of fun over the years and helped each other over some very rough times.  Our friendship is just that - friendship.  We do not cross the line.  And, that is just fine.  I've met most of his family and his awesome daughter.  It's been fun watching Nicole grow up and David is a great dad to her.  I really admire his parenting skills.

I have always had friendships with men.  And, once the "line" is drawn, for me it doesn't change.  I can somewhat understand that some people don't understand friendship between a woman and a man and I can understand how a man I am romantically involved with might feel threatened by such a friendship.  Everyone is different and I do understand that a man/woman friendship can cross the lines and become sexual.  It takes respect, understanding and trust to maintain such friendships on every ones part.  And, I have learned that if I am romantically involved with someone and he really gives me a difficult time about any "man" friendships I might have, he is totally insecure within himself and I need to leave. 



Pondering relationships at Anna Ruby Falls

 Were there awkward moments between David and me when he was here?  Maybe when I walked out of my bedroom in my robe and jammies the first morning, but we actually had a good laugh about how stupid I looked and moved on.  I know David would like to come again in the next year or so and I hope it works out.  I would love it if he brought his daughter along, but either way, he is always welcome!

WESTWARD HO

Over Easter I spent a week in Mesa, AZ visiting my gal pal Nancy and sister, Linda.  I had a great time. I enjoy visiting this area and love the mountains, but sure was glad to be back in Georgia where it is GREEN! 


Nate and me

 A highlight of the trip was meeting my second cousin, Nathan, son of my cousin, Scott. The last time I saw Nate he was six weeks old. Now he has hair, teeth and is no longer in diapers (joking here) and is all grown up into a very nice and handsome young man. He is attending the University of Arizona on a full scholarship and going into enginering.  Linda and I had dinner with Nathan and his mom, Kaye and had a great time. It was so good to make this connection and next time I am in Arizona I hope we can get together again.



Sister Linda, me, Nate and Kaye, Nate's mom

 Nancy and I went to the Desert Botanical Gardens.  I took a ton of pictures, a few of which are shown below.  It was spring time in the desert and so many plants were in bloom.  It was a lovely day there.
Nancy and I always have fun together and this trip was no exception.  We ate laughed a lot, shopped a little, shared secrets and ate great food (YUM to the Thai and East Indian place, and Agritopia).  The best part is that Nancy is purchasing her very first house in Gilbert, AZ!  I got to tour the house three times and it is just charming.  She closes in a few weeks and I hope to return soon so I can see it all decorated and really made into "Nancy's home."

Alice rocks!

I also stopped at Coopertown - Alice Cooper's bar/restaurant so I could pick up a birthday present and tee shirt for my nephew, Paul.  That was fun.

This was the first time in almost a year I ventured more than 100 miles from my new home here in Georgia.  It felt good!  I'll be back soon, Nancy!



Feeding a squirrel noodle salad!



The three Chichuly glass sculptures at the entrance to the gardens. Fabulous!
If you EVER get a change to see his art, GO!  I have seen his art in various locations
in the United States and it is always wonderful



Arbor Day Celebration in Canton, GA

The City of Canton offered free tree seedings as well as trees and shrubs you could purchase a few weeks ago.  My friend Tanya and I went to take advantage of the free seedlings and check it  out.  We both bought a lot of plants and my car was jammed full of them!  It was a fun thing to do on a nice February morning!



Tanya selecting a tree



Volunteers loading up my car

Both the trunk and back seat were full of plants, even Tanya's side had some!

A Walk in the 'Hood on a Fall Morning

Most mornings I walk Sam up the hills to the far end of the subdivision, about 2.5 miles round trip.  I finally remembered to take my camera along.  Due to the clouds, the mountains can't be seen.  However, the clouds are beautiful in these pictures and you can click on the pictures for a better view.  The pictures are in random order, not our specific route.  Too hard to move pictures around when posting,  Anyway, come along and enjoy the walk with me.   



Looking down the last hill before we turn around to come home.  This would have the best mountain views, if not for the clouds. 



First hill we climb (view is looking down).  Don't be deceived, it is a huge hill!

 

Houses in the area are decorated for Halloween.  This is simple and my favorite



Scarecrow "love birds" at a house in the 'hood

 

You might have to double click on the picture to see this house all decked out for Halloween



After over a month of walking this hill, I am still out of breath at the top



Looking down to my street.  You can't see my house, but it would be on the left.

 

This house always is landscaped beautifully



First of two round-abouts we walk around.  Now if Americans would only learn how to drive around them!

Another pretty view

I love living here!



My street

 

Witch cat statue in front of my friend's house.  Too cute!



Dragonflies

Shortly after I started quilting I decided to have a small dragonfly quilted into every project. The dragonfly has a symbolic meaning to me. And, I think it is a fun thing to add. Although my first quilts do not have the dragonfly quilted in the pattern, I found quilt labels with dragonflies on them and will be adding them to these quilts.




I fell in love with the above Oriental-themed pattern while visiting a quilt store in Colorado last September and bought the pattern and material while I was there. The dragonflies are hand appliqued using the blanket stitch - the method I feel most comfortable with at this point - to the beautiful background fabric. I am thrilled with the way it turned out!


It was professionally quilted by Meandering Mary, who added a tiny dragonfly to the upper left corner, even though there are 3 dragonflies on it.


When I give quilts away to family and friends I tell them, "Look for the dragonfly!" It can be a challenge to find them, but I think it adds to the giving of the quilt. Recently I picked up 3 quilts from Meandering Mary - this one, a primitive wall hanging (which I will post when I finishing binding it) and a queen-sized Friendship Star quilt. Mary forgot exactly where the dragonfly is on the Friendship Star quilt. I tried finding it, but didn't have a whole lot of time to look. Maybe when I am hand stitching the binding on I will find it.


When I was at Ye Olde Schoolhouse quilt store last week to pick up these projects Jeannie brought back from Mary, I ran into my quilting instructor, Diane. She wanted to see what I have been doing so we looked at my projects and she and complimented me! I was so happy that my first quilting instructor admired what I have been doing. We talked about incorporating the little dragonfly into each quilt. She said, "Just think, Julie Ann, a hundred years from now someone will be talking about how this quilter from southeastern Wisconsin always had a dragonfly quilted into her quilts and now they are considered highly collectible!" That comment blew me away!


It is fun to have this little something extra in my quilts. It is like a little added blessing to the quilt.

OH, MY GOD!

It is cold up here in Wisconsin. This morning it was 5 above.

My dear sister, Suzanne, is vacationing in St. Augustine, Florida and complained that it was only 48 degrees. Well, yes - that is cold for Florida BUT IT IS STILL 43 DEGREES WARMER THAN WISCONSIN!!!

My blog pal, Christine, www.frontporchindiana.blogspot.com joked that Indiana must have forgot to pay the heating bill is was so cold. Well, the budget crunch reached Wisconsin, too!

My poor doggie girls are not getting their walks. Too cold and too much salt on the sidewalks. People in my 'hood really go crazy with that salt and I can't bear to walk my girls on it and have them limping the whole time because it gets in their pads.

I know I'm whining. On the bright side, this will be my last Wisconsin winter. Ahhh - now that is a pleasant thought!

Changes are A-Coming

For many months now I have started to feel a shift coming in my life. I've basically been hibernating for well over a year. I realized I have cut myself off from friends and have stayed focused on being at home, my dogs, my relationship and quilting. While I probably needed to do this for many reasons, it is time to dig deep, think about what I truly want, what is good for me and to start the crawl out of my cave. Now that I will be retiring in 10 months, this is even more true and important. My sister, Suzanne, who retired 10 years ago, has aways said that when you retire you need to almost reinvent yourself because your life changes so much. And, it is time I regroup, hang on, let go and take stock in my life. I have let important things slip. My spirituality has suffered. I've put on over 25 pounds. I've lost touch with friends.

Yet, wonderful things are going on, too. Fun things I enjoy and look forward to. I recognize that I have a lot of blessing in my life and am very grateful. I don't feel terribly depressed or in angst, but rather adrift and in need of grounding.

The other day I took the long way home from work. I drove along Lake Michigan. It was another rainy, dreary day. The lake was all different shades of gray and white. The waves, while it was not terribly windy outside, were huge. I was mesmerized. If I hadn't had to get home to let the dogs out I would have pulled into one of the lakefront parking lots and sat there for a while. Maybe because I felt like those waves. Gray, turbulent, pounding on the surf only to be pulled out and pound again. Maybe because I realized that the lake will once again be sparkling blue and calm. And, so will I. This is part of the ebb and flow of nature, on which I based my deepest spirituality on.

Over the course of the next few weeks I will be journaling, blog style, trying to figure things out for myself. Some of you readers have known me a long time. Some only through out quilting interests and for a few months. I would appreciate all of your input while I go through this process.

Life is a journey. I just need to figure out which path to take at this particular time.

Fall

I really like fall. I think I enjoy this season even more than spring, but not as much as summer.

Here's some of the things I love about fall:

Apple cider, crisp apples, candy corn (Yikes! all food so far!), watching the squirrels gather food, cleaning up the garden, the sound of the leaves in the trees, watching the leaves change color, the changing colors of the birds such as the gold finches, hearing the geese flying overhead and watching their formation, smelling burring leaves, harvest, good sleeping weather, wanting to bake pies, perfect fall days with a slight crisp to the air and blue, blue skies, sleeping under more blankets, knowing that while the plants are straggly they are just getting ready for a long sleep, kids are in school, Halloween and everything related to it - all this and so much more.

What I don't like about fall? I live in Wisconsin. Winter is close behind!

Visit to the Cemetery

On Sunday, after I had been home for a while, I decided to drive over to The Patched Works to purchase backing material for my Jars Aplenty project. Well, they were closed for the holiday weekend. I knew this, but forgot. However, I wasn't the only goofball as 2 other cars drove into the parking lot as I was pulling out. Two other disappointed women!

Since I was sort of on the right side of town I decided to visit the cemetery, Wisconsin Memorial Park. I hadn't been there since my father died in November and I knew the headstone for both my parents was now in place and that one of us girls should check it out and make sure all was in order. Plus, it was time I went.

There is something about cemeteries I kind of like. Peaceful, obviously, but to me they are calming, too.

My Mom died in 2003 and was cremated. My father also wanted to be cremated and their wish was to have their ashes mingled and then to be buried together. We kept Mom's ashes in Georgia at my sister's house until Dad died and then followed their wishes. Their headstone was picked out by Dad after Mom's death. It is really pretty - with trees and mountains. It is easy to tell that Dad picked it out.

It was weird, though, seeing both their names on the headstone. There was a finality to it. They are in the family plot, next to my grandparents and my uncle and aunt, as well as other family members. My ex-husband, Bill, is buried there, with my family, as well.

It was a lovey day out and they are all right under a large oak tree. I sat down and cried a bit. I really miss my parents. I also had a good talk with all of them, asking for their strength, love and guidance. I have been feeling like I am approaching a crossroads in my life. There are decisions coming up that I need to make that will affect the rest of my life. I needed to be grounded by them. I needed the stillness and beauty of the cemetery. It felt good. It felt right. I didn't get any immediate responses from them (smile), but I know I will.

I think I will go back several more times before the snow falls this year. I feel the strength and solidarity of them surrounding me. It's a good feeling.

Moon in the 'hood

Last night I let the dogs out for "last call" a little after 10pm. Gracie came right in, but Lucy Lou was poking around and then started barking at kids walking by in the alley. I had to go out and grab her to get her back in.

As always when I am out a night, I look up at the sky to see the moon. It was eerily beautiful, just rising. I grabbed my camera and this is what I got. Not the best, but I think a little haunting.

I love the moon.

Walking with the Dogs

This week I've been walking the "girls" very early each morning - around 6:15am. Notice I use the word "with" the dogs, not "taking" them for a walk! Big difference.

We walk each other actually. They slow me down while taking lingering sniffs and I drag them along with the sniffs become obsessive.

This morning was lovely. During the pre-dawn hour, a sliver of a moon hung in the blue sky surrounded by huge, dark clouds. Since I love the moon in all of her phases, this glimpse was breathtaking.

The birds are very active this time of day. Even though we walk very early in the morning, the robins are singing their little hearts out. I like to think one joins us, flying from tree to tree and serenading us as we walk. However, it is more than likely many robins saying "Good Morning!" to each other. Other birds join the chorus - the chirp of the little sparrow, the whistling of the cardinals, the cries of the gulls. Every morning has the opportunity to turn in to a major bird concert!

I'm by nature a morning person. I love these walks as much as Gracie and Lucy Lou do. It gives my day a boost of inner peace and contentment. It is my time to spend with God, with nature. It is my prayer.

Sniffs and all.

Dragonfly Miracles

Yesterday I looked out my back hallway window to check on Lucy Lou, who was sunning her old doggie bones in the late afternoon sun. I noticed something(s) flying and buzzing around my yard. I went outside and found dozens of dragonflies in the air.

It must just be the time of year. The dragonflies where the huge, double winged, green species. They were beautiful. Upon closer notice I could see little white insects also flying around, which were dinner for the dragonflies. The dragonflies darted, they hovered, they flew backward and I even saw one do a perfect triple somersault. Those poor little gnats didn’t stand a chance to these flying aces. The other amazing thing is that they basically stayed in my little yard. Occasionally one flew over into the neighbor’s yard, but flew back into mine again.

Dragonflies have held a special place in my heart ever since Phil gave me a beautiful dragonfly pendent (which he thought was a butterfly). They seem to be messengers for me (us) and when I see them I believe they bring good energy. You can check out their animal/insect totem by clicking here. There have been times in our relationship when I was worried about Phil or concerned about where we were headed and I would see a dragonfly and know that all would be well. And, it is.

I stood outside for a long time, smiling as the dragonflies zoomed all around me. Even Lucy Lou watched them, her ears pointed and alert. We both laughed with amazement, Lucy Lou with a silly doggie grin and me laughing at the thrill of all those dragonflies.. Phil was here and he came out for a while to watch them, too. It was truly an incredible sight to see and experience. I’m glad Phil experienced it with me.

In a short while they were gone.

Today I left work early (thank goodness for FMLA time) and went out to see my Dad. I got there early enough to feed him lunch, which the aides appreciate as they are always are busy at meal time. Afterwards I put a blanket on his lap and a hat on his head and Dad and I went out to enjoy a beautiful September day. I wheeled him all the way down to the Bark River, which runs through the property his health facility is on. We sat and watched the water flow, the birds fly and the trees move in the breeze. I knew Dad enjoyed being outside with me. There were dragonflies all along the banks of the river. Many different kinds, but none like the ones I had seen the night before in my own backyard.

I tried to show him the dragonflies, but I don't think he could move his head or eyes enough to see them. I told him about the beautiful experience I had with the dragonflies in my yard. His eyes flickered a little. His speech is almost incomprehensible, but he tried to talk. Maybe he understood. I'd like to think he did.

I hope when Dad passes it is on the wings of a dragonfly, the light creatures of the air.

Floods

Here in the mid-west we are flooding.

While I have had some water in my basement, which my shop vac sucked up rather well, my co-worker, Judy, had 3 1/2 feet in her basement. They lost quite a bit of stuff. Luckily, it was clear water, not sewage back up, which is also happening all over the area.

In southern Wisconsin houses have been washed off their foundations, cars have been seen floating away, roads closed, bridges out, dams threatening to break.

It is still raining tonight and rain is in the forecast all weekend.

Last Saturday night while I was in Michigan visiting Sally (who as of Wednesday is finally at home!) my doggie sitter spent hours in my basement due to tornado warning and bad storms.

We Midwesterners are made of hardy stock. We survived this past winter with its 90+ inches of snow and we will survive this.

But, whatever happened to calm weather? What is normal weather? How will the farmers deal with soggy fields?

What is Mother Nature up to?

How Does My Garden Grow?

Last winter looking out my windows at over 90+ inches of snow, I didn't think I would ever see green grass or my garden again.

Oh, me of little faith!

Here's a small sample of my lovely yard.

Miracles

My dear friend, Sally, is a miracle.

After over a week in ICU with an unknown type of pneumonia, she is recovering. She has been in her own hospital room for a week. Progress is very slow, but she is holding her own and each day getting a little stronger and a little more progress made.

If I had to guess how long she has been in the hospital, it has to be going on over a month. She should be discharged this week and moved to a rehab center in Water Vliet - much closer to her home than Kalamazoo where she is now.

But, she can't walk without a lot of assistance. The first few days out of ICU she couldn't move her arms well or use her fingers. Her eye sight isn't real good. She has panic and anxiety attacks when she thinks she will not be able to draw in a breath. And, while her lungs continue to improve a little each day, last week one did collapse 50%. She has undergone painful procedures. She is on a lot of meds.

Her life in rehab will be difficult - learning how to walk again, care for herself, breath without the anxiety attacks. She is on meds for depression and anxiety.

But - she is alive. She is making progress. She will go home (probably in mid to late June).

Sally will be a changed person. Deeply spiritual, she does see this as a journey. She feels there is a message in it. Some of us who know her well feel the message is to slow down and not work so hard. So, now she is forced to do so. It will be interesting to hear her perspective.

I have not seen her since she was first admitted to the Kalamazoo hospital. I will visit her in rehab and will stay with her for at least a week (if she chooses) when she finally goes home. I will purchase more bird feeders for her, a couple of humming bird feeds, bird seed and suet. I will make sure they are hung in front of all of her windows so she can watch the birds while she recovers. I will paint her toes nails and rub lotion on her back. I will brush her hair. I will hang on to her when she walks. I will cook for her. I will bring a ton of books and we will read. We'll rent videos starring only good looking men. We will talk of birds, of life, of journeys - both inward and outward. We will talk of our friends, our families and we will talk trash. We will read and laugh, hug and cry. And, this will all be my deep privilege.

She's a miracle. And I am, oh, so very grateful.

Some Thoughts on Prayer

My oldest nephew was potty trained pretty early. The only thing the he a difficult time with was wiping his butt after pooping. Being a thoughtful little boy, he would call for his Mom to come clean him up. But, after a couple of weeks, my sister felt he could do it himself and told him that he was now a big boy and big boys wiped their own butts. Now, my nephew was raised a UU, but his grandparents were Lutheran and he was exposed to prayers and had asked about what they were and was given a good Lutheran answer (whatever that may be). One day he told him Mom he was going potty. She got busy with things and after a few minutes thought things were too quiet for comfort. She looked for him high and low and finally found him still on the toilet, his head bowed, eyes shut, hands folded. "What are you doing?" she asked. "Mommy," he said, "I'm just praying to God that you'll come wipe my butt!" (Sorry - John, but after 38 years, that is still funny and sweet.)

I think that day a prayer might have been answered, but after that the kid was left up to his own devises!

One of my Church Ladies friends, who is a seminary student, UU and fellow blogger, wrote a blog post on prayer, which got me thinking. Check out http://www.earthbound-spirit.blogspot.com/

I have struggled with prayer all of my life, until a couple of years ago. Who was I suppose to pray to? Heck, my prayers were never answered, so why bother? What should I pray for? Can I bargain with God? Who is this God? And why would He bother answering my prayers when there were so many, many other prayers sent to Him much more important than mine.

Through a long series of events in my life and after searching for a long time, I was led to the Unitarian Universalist church. What a concept - they didn't really pray. . . they meditated. Hmmm, could that be a form of prayer? When they did pray, it wasn't like the Lutheran prayers I was brought up with. Not to the God in the sky or to Jesus on a cross. They prayed but to a higher power, to the Creator of the earth, to Mother Nature.

Shortly after I discovered the UU church I took a workshop entitled "Cakes for the Queen of Heaven." The curriculum was written by UU minister Shirley Rank and opened up a whole new world for me at the time. The feminine in the divine. The Goddess. Mother Nature. Finally, something I could grab on to, something I could understand.

Being a lifelong tree hugger (I truly hugged trees as a kid) and nature lover, seeing the divine in Nature, the beauty that was all around me and being able to be with people who understood how I could find my higher power in Nature was wonderful. It led me to a women's spirituality (my Church Ladies) group and to another workshop entitled, "Rise Up and Call Her Name," continuation of "Cakes for the Queen of Heaven." This led to serving for over 3 years on the UU Central Midwest District of Women & Religion www.womenandreligion.org which involved the planning of a annual winter conference (WomanSpirit) and a summer women's retreat at Ronora www.ronora.org . As part of the conferences and retreats, there was a heavy emphasis on ritual work. Writing, developing and participating in various rituals became almost second nature to me. It was fun, rewarding and fulfilling in many ways - both in group ritual and the small, quiet rituals I did for just myself. And I still participate, enjoy and look forward to both types of rituals.

But what does all of this have to do with prayer?

As I participated in ritual, assisted with sweat lodges, drummed, danced and talked with other women I found myself opening to the thought and action of prayer. How it came in all different forms - not only with hands folded and head bowed, but dancing, laughing, drumming, sweating, singing and ritual. I began to understand that prayer was and could be, to me, both meditation and action.

Over the years my thoughts and beliefs have changed and grown, but in my late 30s and into well into my 40s, this all had a huge, positive impact on me. And, slowly prayer came into my life.

There is a Garth Brooks song - Unanswered Prayers, in which he sings about a woman he loved and wanted as a young man. He prayed that he would have her forever. At the time he thought that what he was praying for was want he truly wanted in life. But this prayer was never answered and they went their own ways. In reflection many years later he realized that it was a blessing. He couldn't imagine what his life would have been like if that prayer would have been answered. He realized he was so happy with the way his life turned out, the way it was. One of God's greatest gifts is unanswered prayers.

When I first heard that song it was a "aha" moment. Maybe for all those years I was praying for the wrong things and, who knows, maybe even praying to the wrong . . . well, thing (person, deity, saint, God?). Maybe my life was turning out just as it meant to be - rocky roads, pot holes and all. Maybe my prayers had been answered, but just not quite as I expected them to be.

Ahhh, not the way I expected them to be.

Are my prayers now being answered? Yes. No. Maybe. I'm no longer focused on the answer, but rather the intent.

So, now when I pray it is usually a prayer of gratitude. Gratitude for my life - as it is, as it will become. I pray for loved ones in need, I pray for those I don't know, but need help. I pray that all is well in my world and the world around me.

I find myself praying in nature without even being aware of it. Planting flowers, hiking, walking the dogs, seeing birds in flight and the leaves changing in the fall. Prayers are all around me if I stop to look and listen. Sometimes prayer and states of grace go hand in hand.

I pray as a leap of faith - that there is something out there that is hearing me, listening to me. I believe there is.

I pray because I truly believe the energy we put forth in prayer makes its way to where we send it - a loved one who is sick, a friend in need, a thought for a better world. I see my prayers as bluish-white light, as a beam being sent out from my heart, my soul.

Who do I pray to? While if it is a active thoughtful prayer (not in a state of grace as in nature) I pray to both the Mother and the Father as I see my higher power as a mixture of both (with a little more emphasis on the feminine).

And I end my prayer with "Blessed Be. Amen." A nod to both my current Earth-Based spiritual beliefs and the God I was raised with.

And, sometimes I end them with this - Merry meet, merry part and merry met again. The circle is open, but never broken. Blessed be.