Gracie Speaks

Dear Friends, family and world-wide fans and admirers:

Julie Ann (Momma to me) wrote a very touching blog entry where she spoke of dogs and printed a story about the life of a dog. Because I am so pretty (well, I am down right beautiful), she inserted pictures of me and of my sister, Lucy Lou. Momma included pictures of Lucy Lou in fairness because as we all know one must not show favorites between siblings even though I know Momma loves me best.

My dear Phil responded with some very unfair comments about me.

I am a very misunderstood dog. Sigh. This comes with being beautiful, a diva and the most kind and loving of all dogs. While the good Lord knows I do my best to remain humble at all times, it is difficult being in my position of rapture. Believe me, sitting pretty on a pedestal all day isn't easy!
But, one does as one must. I take my job of diva of all dogs very seriously!

Let me address a few of Phil's issues:

First, let me say that I have a full time job. My job has several important functions. First, and most important, I must keep up my appearances of queen of the diva dogs. This is very easy for me to do as just taking one look at me everyone knows that I am THE DOG. And even though being petted and adored all day long is the first point on my job description, it can be tiring. Belly rubs are very soothing and tend to put me into a snooze. But, it is a price I must pay.

Second, I must protect Momma 24/7. As you might be aware, I have a very prestigious pedigree. Being half Lhasa Apsa and half poodle is the very best of the dog world. Lhasa's were originally bred to be imperial guard dogs in China. It is in my genes to take care of those I love and since the two people I love the most are myself and Momma, this is a very serious issue. Also, as we all know , poodles are the smartest of all dogs. This trait is very apparent in me and goes without saying. However, I will admit to being a genius, but only this once. So, there!

I do not nap all day. However, I need my beauty rest! Plus, it take a lot of energy to protect Momma and Lucy Lou from all of the squirrels in the world. Lucy Lou, being much, much older, sleeps far more than I do. Plus, the poor old girl snores. While I know it is not kind to speak ill of others, Lucy Lou is rather hard of hearing (can't hear a damn thing to be exact). During the day while she snores away, it is I who bark at passing cars, loud noises from the street and other sounds that might bring evil to Momma's house. This is part of my job. Pretending to be sleeping all the time is just a ploy to keep people and squirrels out of Momma's house while she is not there.

I might also point out that treats are a part of life. Momma likes her chocolate (which dogs can't have), I love my treats. Phil happens to bring the best treats in town. He brings Momma her chocolate, he brings me my treats. Being the thoughtful dog that I am, I share them equally with Lucy Lou.

I'm tired now. All this thinking has made me sleepy. I hope I brought enlightenment and joy to my admirers. Maybe the world would be a better place if humans lived like dogs. I know I have a great life!

Gracie, the diva dog

Live like a dog

I hate receiving chain emails about the supposed plight of a sick child, urban myths, pleas for help, cutesy pictures or stupid jokes. I beg my friends NOT to send them to me. However, Terri, knowing my love of dogs and how much I love my own two doggie girls, sent me this. Yes, it's sappy and the story is probably not true, but the traits listed at the end are something we "two legged creatures" need to think about.

Gracie and Lucy Lou enjoyed posing for the pictures although Lucy Lou is a very shy girl. They are beautiful and bring me joy, love and laughter every day. Even when Lucy Lou snores, Gracie yips and they both fight for my attention. I just can't imagine my life without them (they will be the only dogs to live forever) or without a dog in my house.

Here's the story. Don't know the author.

Dog's Purpose, (from a 6-year-old)

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife, Lisa, and their little boy, Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle.

I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn't do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home. As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience.

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker's family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away. The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker's death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives. Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, "I know why."

Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation.

He said, "People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life -- like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?" The six-year-old continued, "Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long."

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly.

Remember, if a dog was the teacher you would learn things like:

* When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.


* Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
* Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.

*Take naps

* Stretch before rising.
* Run, romp, and play daily.
* Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
* Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
* On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.
* On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
* When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
* Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
* Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.
* Stop when you have had enough.
* Be loyal.
* Never pretend to be something you're not.
* If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.

* When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.
* Be always grateful for each new day.

ENJOY EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY DAY!

Sisterhood

You can pick your friends, but not your family!

Or so the saying goes. Fortunately, I love and have been blessed by a great family and wouldn't want to change them (well . . . maybe a little!). I am lucky to have 2 great sisters.

I have also been blessed with wonderful women friends, many of whom I consider my "chosen sisters." Beth is one of them.

When I was six, new people moved into the house next door. Mom told me she thought they had a little girl about my age. I went over, knocked on the door and Beth's dad answered. I asked, "Can the little girl who lives here come out and play?" The rest is history and a beautiful friendship.

Beth is one year older than me and we went to different grade and middle schools. However, we ended up in the same high school. We share a lot of fun memories from childhood through the present time - kick and can, red light, green light, swimming (and swimming and more swimming), dances, prom, parties weddings, births and deaths. I introduced Beth to her first husband, Jim. I was with her when she found she was pregnant with her first son, Jamie (now almost 30) and was with her shortly after she learned Jim had died. She stuck by me through my wild 20's. We have cried together over broken relationships. We share a love of the water, of beaches, of laughter, and good food. Now we talk about our elderly parents always looking for laughter in the sometimes grim subject. In fact, there isn't much I can't talk to Beth about, or haven't! We are chosen sisters.

Beth has lived in Florida for many years. I haven't been down there in a couple years, but today she stopped over for a little while during a yearly visit to Wisconsin. We talked about meeting in Florida this winter. Sit on the beach, talk away all of our problems and watch the young guys prance by. Sounds good to me.

Beth is the woman who sent one of my dogs to me, Lucy Lou. Today Bethy arrived with Jamie (she also has another son, Tim, currently in the Air Force) and her new dog, Sally. We got a kick out of Gracie and Sally and the contrast between the two dogs. We think Lucy Lou remembers her. Beth laughed at the 3 of them together and said, "Yours, mine and ours!"

Even through we don't live close to each other and can go months without talking, I am not quite sure what I would do without Bethy in my life. I hope I don't have to find out for a long time. There is just too much fun to have and laughter to share.

Summer sang in me

Thus in the winter stands the lonely tree,
Not knows what birds have vanished one by one,
Yet knows its boughs more silent than before:
I cannot say what loves have come and gone,
I only know that summer sang in me
A little while, that in me sings no more.

Edna St. Vincent Millay

For the Beauty of the Earth

For the beauty of the earth, for the splendor of the skies,
for the the love which from our birth
over and around us lies:
Source of all, too thee we raise this, our hymn of grateful praise.

For the joy of ear and eye, for the heart and mind's delight,
for the mystic harmony linking sense to sound and sight:
Source of all, too thee we raise this, our hymn of grateful praise.

For the wonder of each hour of the day and of the night,
hill and dale and tree and flower, sun and moon and stars of light:
Source of all, too thee we raise this, our hymn of grateful praise.

For the joy of human care, sister, brother, parent, child,
for the kinship we all share, for all gentle thoughts and mild:
Source of all, too thee we raise this, our hymn of grateful praise.

Text: Folliot S. Pierpoint Music: Conrad Kocher; Adapted

All pictures taken in my garden with the exception of the moon rising, which was taken in Kilnaboy, County Clare, Ireland & of my sisters , my father & me, which was taken in Dousman, WI. All taken in May or June, 2007.

The Locket

While traveling in Scotland, Anne and I stopped at an antique store in a little village. It was here that I purchased a Victorian locket. Although I know nothing about its previous owner, the locket called to me since I first saw it.

I have always enjoyed antiques and have collected them since I was a teenager. Many of my antiques have family history behind them. I have a spinning wheel that has been passed down on my grandma's side of the family for generations, a clock that was in my uncle's family, dishes from my grandmother, quilts made by my mother and her mother. Recently my aunt sent me two antiques plates - one hand painted and signed and dated. It turns out it was painted the same year my home was built. I love it! My 1930s kitchen set was refinished by my mom.

I remember my first antique purchase. My mom and I went to the home of my grandmother's "egg man" - a farmer who sold her fresh eggs on a weekly basis. He was selling his farm and invited us over to purchase any items we liked. I bought a rocking chair that now sits in my guest bedroom. I was 14 and I paid $10 for it.

I treasure these items. They are like old friends to me. I am a sentimental person and I like the history that surrounds them, even if I don't know all of it. I often wonder why people let antiques be sold out of families. I have a difficult time understanding how family history could be sold.

However, now my house is filled to the brim. So, I have started looking at antique jewelry. I have some antique jewelry that has been passed on to me. I have my grandma's wedding band, my mother's engagement ring. I have a few great pieces of my grandma's old costume jewelry. My mom had a beautiful locket with my dad's picture in it. My sister now has it and I have seen her wear it with pride. And, I have a very small little locket that was my mom's. However, she never put pictures in it, probably due to its size.

When I first saw this locket in Scotland I asked the price. Quickly converting English pounds to dollars, I didn't think I could afford it. Anne and I walked out of the store and wandered around the village a bit and sat by the sea. Finally I said I wanted to go back to the store and look at the locket again. While examining it I asked again what the price was. The lady quoted me a price of 20 pounds less then she originally stated. I felt it was an omen (although obviously a mistake on her part). I bought the locket.

The locket is heart shaped. The area when the chain would go is shaped like a ribbon tied into a bow. Both the front and back are finely etched with vines and flowers. In the middle of the front are the initials "EL." Inside are two pictures. From what I can tell the pictures were probably taken in the 1930s or 1940s. The are both of men, one in a military uniform. I have determined (with the help of several other people) that they are not the same man, but quite possibly related, maybe brothers.

Who was "EL"? Who are the men? Was EL their mother, their sister, aunt? Where they her brothers, her lovers, father or uncles? How did this locket end up in an antique store in a little village in Scotland? Was EL Scottish? Was she German and the locket spoils of WWII? When did she live and die? When did the men live and die?

While driving, Anne and I decided to give her a name. Anne suggested Ellen, which I immediately agreed to (I have a cousin named Ellen). We tossed around a few last names beginning with L. I looked up to see a sign post pointing towards the village of Logie. Hence, Ellen Logie was born. But, still, so many questions remain that will never be answered.

I think of the jewelry I have. The first year we were together, Gotti gave me a beautiful dragonfly necklace for my birthday. I was speechless when I saw it, it is so lovely. I commented that it was the most beautiful dragonfly I had ever seen. He looked at me and said, "Honey, that's a butterfly, not a dragonfly!" I looked at it again. Most definately a dragonfly! I pointed out the differences to him. We laughed about it and still do. And, every single time I wear the necklace I smile at the thought of "Gotti's butterfly." And I wear it with the love with which it was given to me.

Yet, in 50 or 60 years will this dragonfly treasure of mine end up in an antique store? Will some woman ponder over it? Will she wonder where it came from? Gotti, upon hearing these questions, sweetly suggested that it would be passed on to our grandchildren. I hope so. I also hope the tender story that is part of it, is also passed along.

In the meantime, I intend to take good care of EL's locket. I plan to find the appropriate antique chain for it. I will wear it in her honor and also for the men whose pictures are kept tucked away inside. And as I do with all of my "old" things, I will preserve it and keep it safe.

Scotland

I recently returned from a trip to both Ireland and Scotland. I went to Ireland to meet up with my gal pal, Anne. I spent 3 days at her home in County Clare and then the 2 of us flew into Edinburgh for over a week of touring the country side of Scotland. I had a fabulous time!

I love Anne's house. She remodeled in 2004, adding a lot of space to her 80+ year old house. It has the traditional deep windows and peet fire place of the cottage it once was. She has a great kitchen and I love sitting there, sipping tea and talking.

Highlights of my time in Ireland include meeting Anne's beau, Michael (great guy), visiting with her mom and sister, Helen. A short visit to Ned, now in his late 80s, and dinner with Anne's daughter, Melissa. I also helped Anne and Michael move a small herd of her cattle from one field to another, down about a mile of roads. Thanks, Michael, for putting me BEHIND the cattle! I also enjoyed a 3-mile walk where I had my own epiphany about life and love.

I really didn't know what to expect in Scotland. We had no real set plan until we got there and sat in the rented car and said, "Now what?"

The first night we made it to right outside St. Andrews. For most of the trip we stayed in B&Bs, always trying to get one of the outskirts of a little town or village so that we could walk to a pub or restaurant for dinner. This really worked out well, although we should have stopped earlier a couple of times as it was difficult to find a good B&B as it got later in the day.

Truthfully, Scotland wasn't high on my list of places to visit, but I have completely changed my mind. It is a beautiful country with much diversity in its landscape. The roads are very easy to follow (if you can figure out the roundabouts!) and the sign posts are very frequent. Plus, the people are awesome.

We drove up the coastal highway towards Inverness. This isn't a "highway" by American standards. It is a well-marked, 2 lane road. We made several stops along the way. At one point we got off the highway and took a small road through 2 villages until we reached the sea. Both villages were charming. We walked along the road by the sea and watched a woman riding her horse on the beach. At the next village we went into a lovely antique store where I purchased an antique locket. More about the locket in another post. It was a delightful way to spend some time and a beautiful day - the sea was lovely.

Also, while on this road we had to stop as a farmer was moving his cows from the field to the barn. He had a working sheep dog helping him - in fact doing all of the work. I got a real kick out of this and stood outside the car so I could watch the dog at work. That dog was having a great time.

Every day we stopped for tea and, of course, a little something to go with it! Near the end of our trip I did find a place that made plain old coffee. Yipee! It is easy to find latte's and the like, but not basic coffee.

One of the most beautiful sights was the green fields against the setting of another crop that was in full bloom. The blooms were a bright yellow - just beautiful. I can't remember the name of the crop, but they use it to make oil that they use for cooking. The yellow against the green was something I will always remember.

We stayed in Inverness one night and then drove up a little further north to visit a castle. However, we got there just as it closed and back tracked, staying again near Inverness. We spend the next day shopping and looking around Inverness before heading down through the middle of the country.

We spent a couple of days traveling down the "loch highway." Now, I had heard of Loch Ness and the Loch Ness monster. I didn't realized (not really studying Scotland before I went) that the lochs run down basically the center of the country and are surrounded by mountains. Some of the mountains were high enough to have snow on the tops and a tree line. This made for more beautiful sightseeing.

We drove to the other side of Scotland to the port town of Oban. Unfortunately, it was pouring rain. After a nice lunch and a couple of quick stops, we drove on towards Stirling. Anne had agreed to tour the castle there with me. Let me point out that Anne really doesn't enjoy touring castles or old houses/buildings, which is something I just love.

We weren't able to find a B&B in Stirling so we drove north to another little village where we stayed in a lovely old house. Again, we walked into town for our evening meal. There we met a man who is married to an American. He was also thrilled and actually knew where Milwaukee was because he owns a Harley! He and his wife moved back to his hometown and opened a coffee shop. So, of course, the next morning we stopped in for a latte.

We returned to Stirling and toured the castle. By this time I had come down with a terrible cold, so even though I enjoyed myself, I was pretty miserable the whole day. When we were done we drove into Edinbourgh.

More to come . . . .

Life Moves On

Two years ago today my ex-husband, Bill, died.

His official date of death is tomorrow, June 1st, since that is when we found him. But he had been dead for over 24 hours.

A two tours of duty in Viet Nam vet with 10 years in the Marine's, it seems fitting that he died on Memorial Day. He loved the Marines. I am glad I gave him a simple military funeral, which is what he wanted. Maybe his death wasn't dignified, but his funeral was.

Some people can fight life long demons and are able to overcome them, surviving to live long and happy lives. Bill just couldn't fight his demons and they chased him all of his life. One time he told me he thought of committing suicide most of his adult life, but was too afraid to take action. But there are many ways of commiting suicide. Alcohol abuse and heavy smoking caused poor health, which in a way, was Bill's way of suicide.

The last years of Bill's life were not happy. He sank further and further down into depression. Even though he bounced back from several health scares, the booze and smoking increased. Two DWI's and a short stint in jail didn't help to change his ways. He stopped trying to cover it up. He stopped fighting. He stopped running.

Here are some things that I remember about Billy and why he will always be in my heart:

• Kindness


• A yard full of beautiful roses


• Great gourmet meals including outstanding Christmas Eve dinners (well, except the Virigina Ham Christmas!)


• Fun, inexpensive trips together where we really had great times


• Gentleness


• Disney World (3 times)


• Twin Peaks


• Tenderness


• He loved my Gracie


• Sitting with me at my Mom's memorial service, while we both wiped away our tears (this was years after our divorce)


• Annual pig roasts


• New Years Day chili parties (he made the hottest chili)


• He loved me

For a long time after his death I use to feel Bill around me. A gentle pressure on my shoulder and a slight pat. I don't feel him much any more. That's OK. I hope he has gone on to a better place. A place where he no longer suffers from the memory of child abuse, needs to partake in substance abuse, the horrors of war are forgotten and all his other demons can't reach him.

Rest in peace, Billy. I will never forget you.

Semper Fi.

Cleaning House

I basically missed spring cleaning this year. Most of the month of May, my normal spring cleaning time, was spent traveling. Not a bad way to get out of deep cleaning my house.

However, I did a lot of "self" spring cleaning. And, I really needed it.

I consider myself a sentimental person. I treasure the antiques that I have that have been passed on from my family members, mostly now long gone. Even the cheap, little knick knacks that have no real value except that maybe it once sat on my Grandma's window over the sink, holds special meaning to me.

Therefore, it is not surprising that I hold on to other things as well - mainly relationships long over. And, as part of hanging on to the relationships, I hung on to the things that came along with the relationships - pictures, cards, notes, etc.

It was strongly pointed out to me  that I need to discard all the "stuff" that was cluttering up not only my drawers, but my emotional well being as well. How could I move on with him, if this "stuff" was still around. True - tucked aways here and there, but still around.

In April I did a purging of all these items. My shredder was in high gear as I discarded the pictures, the cards, the notes. My computer deleted files as well. Since I had things tucked all over the place, I went through drawers, files, cubbards - all over my house.

Some things I barely glanced at as I loaded it into the shredder. A few pictures, I spent a moment or two looking at. I did read a card given to me over 8 years ago. It brought back a little sadness and then a annoynance. I wondered why I held on to it all these years. It, too, went into the shredder with no regrets.

Letting go of this stuff was long overdue. As with the card, I wondered why I still had them. There were some pictures of men I am well rid of. The cards and notes no longer had any meaning to me.

Once it was done I sat back and felt, well - I felt free. I felt clean. The dust had been wiped clean, the cobwebs removed.

Now the real work begins. Actually, it started at the same time as when I shredded everything. The "outside" stuff was removed. Now, I had to start working on the "inside" stuff. Like - why did I hang on to "things" that no longer had meaning? Why did I still have occasional contact with men from old relationships?

Self questioning, exploring one's inner self is good, is difficult, is scary and is necessary. Issues and feelings I avoided dealing with came crashing down on me this winter/early spring. Self discovery and letting go has been an important part of my growth.

By finally letting go, by finally getting rid of old "stuff" and old relationships, I now find I am open to and able to receive the love, trust and joy I have found in my relationship with the man I have been waiting for all of my life. And, I am able to return it to him, to give to him a heart that is finally open, uncluttered and free to give. What a gift this has been!

Maybe I'll thoroughly clean my house this fall and maybe I won't. However, I won't let the dust and cobwebs collect on me, on my sense of who I am and what I want. I will no longer hold on to the past and will keep my heart open towards the future.

Travels and Pen Pals and Friendships

I'm starting to gear up for a two week trip to Ireland and Scotland.

This will be my 3rd visit to Ireland. My good friend, Anne-Marie, lives in a rural area outside the little town of Corofin, County Clare. I am fortunate enough to be able to stay with her, travel the country and more importantly, I am blessed to have her as a friend.

Sometime around 1991 I was at work and filling in for someone over the lunch hour. Without much to do, I grabbed an Irish/American newspaper sitting on the desk. Inside was a small ad for Irish and American pen pals. I had always dreamed of going to Ireland so I thought, what the heck? I wrote a note expressing my interest. About 6 weeks later I received a short application form, which I promptly filled out, mailed and forgot about. A couple of months later a letter from Anne-Marie arrived and a wonderful friendship began.

In 1998, newly divorced and before becoming a homeowner, I decided the time was right for me to travel to Ireland and meet this woman I had been writing to for 7 years. Now, I had never traveled overseas before and I had no idea what to expect. I had no clue has to how Anne-Marie lived, where exactly she lived or what she was really like. Although I felt very confident from our many letters that we were meant to be great friends, this was certainly the biggest adventure of my life to date. And, a huge leap of faith.

I love being able to say this and it is the truth - from the moment I spotted Anne and her daughter, Melissa, at the airport we started laughing and laughed for the duration of my 2-week visit. Only when I was leaving did tears begin to flow. I had a wonderful time. We agreed that when Melissa graduated from high school they would come to the States and the year after that Anne-Marie and I would tour Scotland.

In 2001 Anne-Marie invited me to join her on an all-Irish Caribbean cruise. Sail around the Caribbean in February on a ship full of great Irish people and entertainment - I jumped at the opportunaty. Boy, did we have fun! (the picture in this post was taken during that cruise - please note - the glasses were empty and the guy went around posing for cash!) In 2004, I returned to Ireland with my friend, Susan. Once again, we had a great time. Finally, in 2006, Anne-Marie and Melissa (now an all grown up young woman of 18) came to Milwaukee for 10 days. And now, Anne-Marie and I will have our Scotland trip that was tentatively planned 9 years ago.

Whoosh! Has it been 9 years already?

I'm looking forward to spending a few days with Anne at her home before flying to Scotland. I have grown to love Melissa and Ned (her elderly house guest of 20+ years). It will be great to see her Mom, sister and extended family. I am so fond of all of them. And, I get to meet Anne's "fellow", Mike, who I heard all about last summer.

Most of all, I'm looking forward to traveling the moors of Scotland with a dear friend. I know we will laugh, talk, share stories and have a wonderful time.

What started as a shot in the dark to find a pen pal in Ireland has turned into a remarkable friendship. Who would have thought that two women from different life styles and different countries would have ever become such dear friends?

This weekend I will haul up my suitcase and start to pack. I have a while before I go, but I always pack and unpack several times and trying to narrow down my shoes to only 3 pair is always challenging! As I pack I will smile with delight of the adventures Anne-Marie and I will enjoy together.

Last summer when Anne-Marie was here, we joked that we would continue to meet and travel, but in different countries. We've talked of Paris , of Spain, of Greece, of Atlanta and all parts in between. Where should we go next?

In the long run, it really doesn't matter. We can sit in a pub in Galway, a restaurant in Chicago, my porch in Milwaukee, her kitchen in County Clare or a cafe in Paris. The important thing is our friendship. No amount of miles or locations will ever change that.

Back Again

I'm back.

After a long absence from blog-world, I need this outlet to . . . well, I guess to express myself, vent, give unwanted opinions and just write.

Two of my gal pals have blogs. L is much more active, which is amazing considering she is in school full time and has a family and DH at home. S just started her blog & her 2 posts are wonderful.

So, here I am back in cyberspace without much to say at this point. But, keep checking!

Single Women Homeowners

I've written about my home before. It is my home in the truest sense of the word and I am so thankful that I have it - mortgage and all.

Yet, sometimes I feel totally overwhelmed by owning a single family home. There is always something to do and always something in need of fixing or replacing. Not only because of its age (over 118), but because that is the way it is with houses. Plus, being an active gardner, I have a lot of extra yard work to do in the warm months. While I enjoy gardening, it adds expense and consumes a lot of my time.

My friend, Martha, owns a charming bungalow in a lovely neighborhood in Milwaukee. She bought it probably around 8 years ago and has done wonderful remodeling jobs, including a stunning gourmet kitchen and updating the two full bathrooms. Now, after investing tons of money into her house, she has put it on the market. Enough, she said. She is buying a new condo (currently under construction) and leaving yard work, snow shoveling, constant repairs and worries behind.

While I am sad at the thought of Martha selling her beautiful home, I understand her reasoning.

It is hard being a woman and owning a home. I know women who can do almost anything around the house. Hang doors, lay down a brick patio, fix plumbing, install windows, etc. Hats off to them and more power to them. I'm not one of them. I'm just not a "handy" person. I can hang a picture, paint a wall and I know the difference between a Phillips and flat screw driver, but thats about it.

Currently, while the wind howls and snow is in the forecast, I still have a window a/c unit in my bedroom. It is far too heavy to move myself and my guy friend, David, hasn't had the time to come over and move it out for me. Neither has my nephew. So, I'm stuck right now. There are a couple of other things I need done - simple things that require more strength to do then I have. I told David, more like pleaded with David, that these things will take less than 20 minutes of his time. Hopefully, this Saturday it will all be done and once again he will have my forever thanks.

Maybe I should start a support group for clutzy, single women home owners like me. We could start a new business called, "Borrow a Guy to Do My House Stuff." Maybe buying a new condo isn't such a bad idea.

Naw.

I love my home. So do my dogs. It may be a money pit, but it is my money pit.

Emotional Vampires

Oh, they do exist! And, in all shapes and forms.

Today I was thinking of a former gal pal of mine who I will call Jamie. I met Jamie around 10 years ago at a very difficult time in my life. I had a major decision to make and I went to a UU retreat for a week to clear my head. We were paired as room mates.

I could sense that Jamie had some problems, but since I was a basket case myself at the time, I gave her the benefit of the doubt. And, she was there for me during this bad time in my life. I greatly appreciated her input and support and that made me a loyal friend to her.

After the retreat was over we remained friends. She was from Illinois and we maintained contact with phone calls and visits.

Let me say that Jamie has a very strong personality. She tries to give the appearance of a very strong, independent woman. It works for a while, but then another side of her appears. She is one of the most angry peopleI have ever met. Angry at what, I'm not real sure, she has a life time of it built up. She has her issues and I believe she is extremely insecure. She is also very opinionated and would strongly voice her opinions, whether they were appropriate at the time or not. After listening to another side of the story or to "reason," she would back down and try to explain what she "really meant." I know she has been in therapy on and off most of her adult life. However, from what she told me, once the therapist points out where she needs to change, she gets angry and does not return.

Let me also say that it many ways Jamie is a very talented individual. She has a wonderful singing voice, has great ideas and is very artistic. She can be a very caring woman. But, it is like she gets in the way of herself.

Over time we worked together on various committees planning women's retreats. I would recommend her to serve on the committee and would always end up running behind her, patches wounds she would inflict on other people with her attitude and vicious tongue. When things don't quite go Jamie's way, she feels threatened and she lashes out with a venomous tongue. At last she was asked to leave a committee we were both working on because of her anger directed towards a young, teenage girl who she reduced to tears in a very public place. That was the last straw for me.

Since then she has tried to establish contact with me, but I do not respond. Dealing with her under any circumstance sucks the energy right out of me. She is an emotional vampire.

At one time, I dated a man like this, too. He comes on as a strong and secure man, but is also very angry and feels like the world has dealt him a bad hand. He has the "poor me" attitude and feels that he is a good and decent man who is misunderstood and mistreated by those in his life. He feels many people, including family members, are jealous of him. When he is hurt and angry he twists facts and will actually lie about things. He will do and say hurtful things. Another emotional vampire.

Here's what I have learned about emotional vampires and how to spot them and keep them out of your life:

1. They claim to be strong, independent and very self assureed. They are quite the opposite.
2. They do not get along with their co-workers and cannot keep jobs.
3. They don't get along with most of their family, including parents and siblings.
4. They can't maintain a loving relationship.
5. They don't have friends.
6. They claim to have done nothing wrong in their lives, that it is always the other person who is at fault.
7. When angry they are verbally abusive and probably could become physically abusive as well.

It doesn't have to be a full moon for emotional vampires to come out. Religious crosses and ropes of garlic won't keep them away. It is better to identify them right away and keep them out of your life or they will suck your energy right out of you

Animal Abuse

What the hell is wrong with people?

I read on the CNN webpage about a little 14 pound dog, Bebe, who was actually granted a restraining order from the person who severely abused the little dog.

http://www.cnn.com/2006/LAW/09/01/dog.order.ap/index.html

For once, a judge had some sense and actually did something to protect an abused animal.

I know, I know . . . it's just a little dog - don't get so worked up.

I fully realize that there are millions of abused children here in the United States. And, yes, I care very deeply for them. Comparing little Bebe's abuse to those of children is not something I am trying to do here.

Still, I just don't get it. To repeatedly kick or hit a helpless dog, big or little, is disgusting.

I suspect one of the dogs in my neighborhood of being abused. Dusty is a beautiful yellow lab and my little Gracie's best pal. Dusty is very skittish around people and afraid if I reach out to him. My other dog, Lucy Lou, is like that, so I am not too concerned about that behavior. However, one time when we met Dusty he had a thin line across his back - like he had been struck by a rod. Now when I see him I always scan his body for other marks. If I ever see another one, I will call the police.

If a person abuses helpless animals, just imagine what they do to people - both adults and children. I hope those close to the person who abused little Bebe take heed and make sure he gets the help he sorely needs.

Home

Home is where the heart is. For me, this simple, well-known phrase is very true.

When I was in my 20's I moved about every 2 years. It became of joke in my family. But, I moved to better locations, larger apartments. Looking back, I believe I was always searching for my "home."

My parents moved into the house I grew up in when I was five days old. They lived there for 23 years. After I moved out on my own I started having dreams of that house. They were all pretty similar. I would be floating through the house. Sometimes the new owners would be there, but they couldn't see me. I would float from room to room and watch the activities of the people who lived there. At the time, I couldn't figure these dreams out.

Within a few years after Bill and I married (Bill being my late, ex-husband) we bought a typical Milwaukee ranch house. I don't think you could find two more excited people then we were. We put our hearts and souls into that house. And, we cultivated a beautiful garden. Bill had stunning rose bushes. The dreams stopped. I had a home.

When we divorced, Bill bought me out of the house. I moved into an apartment for 2 years. I had a very nice apartment and it was only 2 blocks from Bill. So, I was close to my old home and to Bill, as we remained friends and an important part of each other's life.

After two years in my apartment, and a long set of circumstances, my friend (and old family friend) Ray came back into my life. He quickly took an assessment of my situation and said, "Julie Ann, you need to buy a house." Yikes! I had no money, yet he persisted. So, with Ray's encouragement, I started looking for a house. Any house as long as it had a roof over it. I found out about a non-profit group that helped first time home owners purchase houses. Since I was single and had never bought a house on my own, I qualified. I took a 3-week course and received a small grant to be used towards closing costs. I looked for houses. I looked at houses that were falling down, I looked at houses so small my furniture wouldn't fit in the rooms, I looked at houses that while structurally sound, needed a ton of work just to be inhabitable. Finally, I found my house. Built in 1888, it was in good enough shape to live in. Just about every major item eventually would need to be replaced, but I could move in and do it all slowly.

So, I bought my house. My dear friend Sally came to the closing with me and we worked our asses off those first two days setting up my kitchen and cleaning. But, before we did anything, Sally and I smudged the house. Using sage, water and salt, we went to every corner of the house, both inside and out, bottom to top, blessing my new home. Ray came over and we painted. Friends helped me move. My dear brother-in-law, Marty, made repairs. Over the years, if I tried to count all of the things Marty has done for me, I'd need a calculator! Shortly after I moved in I had a house warming party. My friend Scott, a minister, blessed my house in front of friends and family.

And so, I had a home.

And, over the years I have replaced just about everything - a little at a time. Furnance, air conditioning, hot water heater, bathroom, roof. I survived a flooded basement and major plumbing work. Every year I had a little bit of electrical work done as my home sorely lacked outlets. I had my trim painted. Marty tiled my bathroom floor and Bill installed my medicine cabinet and vanity. When Bill died he left me enough money to remodel my kitchen and put in all new windows. Every room was eventually repainted. The staircase banister was replaced. The woodwork on the 2nd floor was replaced and/or painted. Repairs have been made to the back screened-in porch. My foyer, after being torn up for 6+ years, was finally completed this spring. I thank and bless each and every friend and family member who helped me.

All along, this house was my home. From the minute I moved in I felt safe and secure here. It has protected me from the elements and been my haven from all storms - literally and figuratively. With every improvement I have made I have felt the house give a sigh of relief. "Ahhhh", it seems to say, "that feels good. I think at this rate I will be around another 118 years."

I believe this house welcomed me with open arms (or doors, so to speak). It welcomed my dogs. My friends and family feel welcome here. It is comfortable and it is loved. I think my house reflects all of this and it reflects my personality.

Once, when I was in my 20s, a co-worker told me I was a "nester." It took me years to understand what she meant. I make my nest, feather it well, care for it and in turn, it cares for me.

There have been times I've screamed it at my house when there have been problems with plumbing, electrical or a million other things. Sometimes I've spent sleepless nights wondering how I would pay for something. For 2 years I worked a part-time job, along with my full time job, just to have some extra money. But, it has always worked out one way or another. Now, that so much as been done, my house shines for me. Sally has always talked to her houses. I do, too. Despite everything over the last 7 years, I have always thanked it. I thank it for keeping me safe and sound.

I am certainly not the first to live here and I won't be the last. I hope when I move to another place this house is as welcoming and comfortable for the new owners as it has been for me. That won't happen for some years to come and in the meantime I will continue to care and nurture my home, as it does for me.

This spring, while on vacation in Georgia, I bought a plaque that reads, "I am so blessed." When my foyer was finally finished, the plaque was hung on one of the foyer walls so that it can be read by all who enter my home. And, it's true. I am so blessed.

Home is where my heart is.

Doggie Parks/Doggie Walks

I love walking my "girls," Gracie and Lucy Lou.

Usually, we walk the neighborhood, taking different routes. Long before Lucy Lou joined us, Gracie and I knew every dog in a 12 block radius of our house. When Lucy arrived, a friend gave me a great 2-lead leash. It was a big adjustment for both Gracie and me to walk with Lucy. Lucy has 27 pounds on Gracie (who is a mere 11 pounds) and would shove her over to get to a good smelling tree. But, over time, Lucy has basically learned to walk on the left side and Gracie on the right side.

I have had to adjust my movements, too - keeping an eye on both dogs and well as being alert to where we are and any other animals in the immediate vicinity. Not to mention keeping track of their "moments" if you get my gist. (I should have stock in the "doggie poopie bag" companies!)

So, most days we walk twice - once in the morning and once in the afternoon - making our routes and enjoying the day.

I have always heard of dog parks located in Milwaukee County, but had never visitied one. That is, until this week.

Loading the "girls" in the car and driving 7 miles to the dog park is a pretty simple task. Both dogs love to ride in the car. Gracie, being the diva, sits in the front. Lucy Lou is very content in the back seat, checking out the surroundings.

Once there it was interesting to see their reactions. At first, Gracie liked the "idea" of the other dogs, but wasn't real sure. Lucy, being shy, didn't appreciate being sniffed at all. I noticed her hackles up every time a new dog came over and kept her very close. However, once in the park they were always off leash, I just really made Lucy Lou stay close.

This is a huge park, fenced in with nothing but open space. There are several paths to walk with a few picnic tables spread out. There are also "stations" which hold free "poopie bags" and a place to put used bags (owners must clean up after their dogs). Other owners have left dog bowls around, which can be filled up with water that you bring. There is a separate, fenced in area for puppies. To walk the whole park is a 3/4 of a mile walk. It costs $20 for a year to become a member of the park for one dog and $5 for each additional dog (up to 3 dogs per household). Such a deal! Your dog receives a special tag for their collar, which inidcates that they are a park member. The dog parks are run by Milwaukee County. You may also join ROMP, which is a advocate group promoting the dog parks. I plan to join very soon.

Now, after 5 or 6 visits, my girls are getting use to the park. By the second visit, Gracie trotted up to the very biggest dogs for some good sniffs. She adjusted very quickly and found lots of friends to run the fields with. Little by little, Lucy's hackles stayed down.

Today we went to the dog park and were joined by my sister and her Springer Spaniel puppy, Sadie. They went into the puppy area, while my girls and I walked the trail. For the first time, Lucy Lou actually ran ahead of me and off over the fields. She was so playful she actually scared little Gracie with her eagerness to play. I could see the smile on her face and she spun around with glee. She was one happy dog! It was wonderful to finally see Lucy Lou running freely with that crazy smile! But, as we approached the entrance and other dogs ran up to greet us, Lucy moved in closer to me and I put the lead back on her.

I am very enthused about the dog parks. I have noticed many people sitting around the entrance, chatting and have found them friendly. I'm hoping to make new acquaintances the more I go. And, I'm anxious to become active with ROMP.

Tomorrow morning the girls and I will walk the neighborhood. The dog park visits will continue, but we like our "in the 'hood" walks the best.

Alzheimer's La La Land

My Dad has Alzheimer's. Thankfully, he is living at a "health care center" a place previously known as a nursing home. It is part of a larger, elderly living arrangment complex. Actually, it is a nice place located on acres of beautiful, well maintained land with a river running through it. When my Mom was alive, they lived in independent living and had their own large apartment. After Mom died, Dad stayed in indpendent living, but his Alzheimer's slowly got worse and we moved him to assisted living.

In assisted living, he still had his own, small 2 room apartment and paid for the extra care he needed such has getting his meds, being reminded to go to meals, activities, etc. He was still very active and I loved going out there and walking along the grounds with him and my dog, Gracie. My Dad was always active and loved long walks.

After a fall and knee surgery last October we moved him to the health care center, where he has remained. Since then he had another surgery. After each surgery, the Alzheimers gets worse.

Today at his facility, there was a band concert on the grounds. My sister and I drove out and put Dad in a wheel chair and wheeled him outside to the concert area. It was lovely and so many people were there who knew him. However, he didn't remember them. At one point I said, "Do you know who I am?" He didn't remember. He didn't remember my sister, either.

It's sad. But, I try to see the best side of this situation. My Dad is very happy and always cheerful. He loves any type of company. He has always been a very friendly, social man and still is. Conversations with him are limited. He may not know who we are at any given time, but he is happy to see us. He really enjoyed the couple of hours outside, listening to the Dixieland jazz band. They played the "oldies, but goodies" music and he sang along. He talked briefly of playing the accordian in a band when he was a young man- in the 1940's. In fact, he seems stuck in the 1940s. That's OK. It was the best time of his life - he met my Mom, had 2 of his 3 daughters - life was good. Although he served as a medic in WWII, he was far behind the lines and never saw any fighting - just the results. The '40's were very happy years for him.

My Dad is 88. He has told us over the last couple of years that he would like to live to 90. Physically, despite his bum knee, he is very healthy.

Today, at the band concert, when I told my sister that Dad didn't remember we were his daughters or our names she teared up and said, "Maybe we should tell him he's 90."

Maybe so.