How Does My Garden Grow?

Last winter looking out my windows at over 90+ inches of snow, I didn't think I would ever see green grass or my garden again.

Oh, me of little faith!

Here's a small sample of my lovely yard.

Miracles

My dear friend, Sally, is a miracle.

After over a week in ICU with an unknown type of pneumonia, she is recovering. She has been in her own hospital room for a week. Progress is very slow, but she is holding her own and each day getting a little stronger and a little more progress made.

If I had to guess how long she has been in the hospital, it has to be going on over a month. She should be discharged this week and moved to a rehab center in Water Vliet - much closer to her home than Kalamazoo where she is now.

But, she can't walk without a lot of assistance. The first few days out of ICU she couldn't move her arms well or use her fingers. Her eye sight isn't real good. She has panic and anxiety attacks when she thinks she will not be able to draw in a breath. And, while her lungs continue to improve a little each day, last week one did collapse 50%. She has undergone painful procedures. She is on a lot of meds.

Her life in rehab will be difficult - learning how to walk again, care for herself, breath without the anxiety attacks. She is on meds for depression and anxiety.

But - she is alive. She is making progress. She will go home (probably in mid to late June).

Sally will be a changed person. Deeply spiritual, she does see this as a journey. She feels there is a message in it. Some of us who know her well feel the message is to slow down and not work so hard. So, now she is forced to do so. It will be interesting to hear her perspective.

I have not seen her since she was first admitted to the Kalamazoo hospital. I will visit her in rehab and will stay with her for at least a week (if she chooses) when she finally goes home. I will purchase more bird feeders for her, a couple of humming bird feeds, bird seed and suet. I will make sure they are hung in front of all of her windows so she can watch the birds while she recovers. I will paint her toes nails and rub lotion on her back. I will brush her hair. I will hang on to her when she walks. I will cook for her. I will bring a ton of books and we will read. We'll rent videos starring only good looking men. We will talk of birds, of life, of journeys - both inward and outward. We will talk of our friends, our families and we will talk trash. We will read and laugh, hug and cry. And, this will all be my deep privilege.

She's a miracle. And I am, oh, so very grateful.

Can't Sleep Thoughts

It's after 3:00 am and I can't sleep.
I went back to the doctor yesterday so now I am on round two of meds for bronchitis and a sinus infection. Steroids. Yippee! Also, a cough med that yesterday knocked me on my ass. Hence - when you sleep all day, you can't sleep at night. So instead of tossing and turning I got up, let the dogs out, made a pot of coffee and here I am
Today marks day 6 of missing work due to this bugga bugga. Actually, though, despite the time of day, I do feel a little better.
No news is good news now regarding Sally (see posts below). She is stable and for 2 days the x-rays showed no more deterioration in her lungs. It is just a waiting game now. I have good feelings about her illness now (if that makes sense). Yes, she will be in the hospital for weeks and weeks if not months, but I have a more positive "gut" feeling she will pull through this.
Hey, street cleaners just went by! What do you know! And, of course, there is a car parked smack in front of my house, so the litter will still be there. Go figure.
Amazing activities in the 'hood at 3 am.
My dear brother-in law, Marty, has a brother who is dying. Gordon, who is 80, has been ill for the past few years. This has been expected. It is difficult, but his death will end his suffering and I believe the family is at peace with it.

My flowers are looking good, but the beds really need cleaning. Too tired and weary to do them lately. Maybe on Saturday I will feel like working in the garden a little. It is probably the best thing I could do for my soul right about now.

Sunday is Mother's Day. Over five years now since Mom has been gone. Hard to believe. I don't think I will be sad on Sunday, but more and more thankful each Mother's Day that I had such a great and loving Mom.

Think I will have another cup of joe and try going back to bed.
Ahhhhh, sweet slumber!

Perspectives

I'm trying to put things in perspective. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.



While my dear friend, Sally, is fighting for her life on a ventilator, I've been home for a week with a sinus infection and bronchitis. Now, that is comparing apples to oranges. I can breathe on my own. I can drive myself to the doctor and get stronger meds to make me better. Sally is trapped inside herself. Our friend, Amy, said maybe this is all part of a spiritual journey she needs to take. Sally is a "shaman in training." I know she would appreciate and value that thought as I do.



As I do things around the house, as I'm able, I think of Sally. She was with me the day I closed on my house. The first thing she did when we walked in was to check it for security. Sally, 20-year veteran of the Chicago police force, wanted to make sure I'd be safe. Then, with sage, salt and water, we smudged my home. Going to every corner from the basement to the attic and all around the yard, we chanted some lines and added another layer of safety and love to my home. I will never forget to the smudging with her. It was an act of love between the two of us. She was so proud of me for buying my own home.



Breathe, Sally, Breathe.



Sally with her lotions and potions. In my shower I have Tate's All Natural Miracle Conditioner. On our trip to Costa Rica a few years ago with gal pal, Miki, Sally brought along this product she found in a health food store. We marveled over all of its uses. Upon my return home I ordered it, along with the shampoo. It is the only product I have ever used to keep my dry scalp from flaking. How many times I have sat with Sally while she applied different facials to my face, made out of oatmeal or honey or whatever? How many times has she handed me a bottle of lotion, "Here, try this. And, while your at it, rub some on my back." "Smell this, Julie Ann. Isn't it fabulous? Put some on." "Let me give you a manicure" "Here," tossing me a hair brush," Would you please brush my hair? I'll brush yours when you are done!" "Want to go for a massage while I'm there?" "Oh, girl, this is just the best stuff." Try it, smell it, put some on. Oh, Sally - you taught me to pamper myself.



Breathe, Sally, Breathe.



In Sedona we sat in the cold on the vortex, stealing looks at each other to see if we were really feeling the earth's energy. We climbed down canyons to watch the sun dance off the river onto the canyon walls. We climbed in caves to hold ritual. We sat in silence at the condo, each reading books we would pass on to each other.



Breathe, Sally, Breathe.



I take little walks around my small yard, watching the progress of the shrubs and flowers. The weeping crab apple tree Phil bought me several years ago is about ready to bloom. My lilac bush is not only all green, but the little flowers are growing like crazy. Only my Rose of Sharon's are just starting to show signs of life. They are always late bloomers. The neighborhood smells of newly cut grass. A smell Sally and I both like.



Breathe, Sally, Breathe.



I think of walking around Ronora together. The land, so special and sacred. Arm and arm we would walk, enjoying the beauty. Sally would see the woodland spirits, something I was never able to see. That's OK, though. She believes in them and sees them.

Breathe, Sally, Breathe.



Sally told Amy the night before her lung biopsy, that she dreamt of a big brown bear. I read Amy the attributes of the bear totum. Power. And hibernation. Sally is a powerful woman, as well as a soulful woman. Maybe the bear was telling her to nurture her power now and go into a deep sleep to preserve her strength. Sally would appreciate that.



It is the time of renewal, of hope of life. May Sally's lungs find the renewal, that life and give all of us hope.

Helpless

Tonight one of my dearest friends is in the ICU of a hospital in Kalamazoo, MI fighting for her life

Sally, my chosen sister, my confidant, my travel gal pal, my friend.

I'm so very afraid we will lose her.

After almost a week in a smaller hospital with what they thought was pneumonia, she was transferred to a larger hospital in a larger city that has a pulmonary unit. A week later, she is on a ventilator which is doing 100% of her breathing.

The cause? We don't know. She had a lung scope, which showed nothing. A lung biopsy, which was sent to California for tests. The part of the lung taken for the biopsy was spongy and crumbly. Every X-Ray shows her lungs deteriorating.

What the hell is going on? She had a bad case of pneumonia about 4 years ago and, like me, usually gets a bad case of bronchitis every year or so. But this?

Sally is a physically strong, vibrant woman. She went from having trouble breathing to oxygen to a ventilator. Jesus!

A long time good friend of Sally's, Amy, has been with her for almost a week. Another true chosen sister, Amy has been dealing with the doctors, nurses and friends who want to see her, touch her and make sure she is OK. However, in the highest level of ICU visiting hours are 3 times a day for 20 minutes. Sally is on morphine and basically out of it. Amy is burned out herself, even with taking time to care for herself.

I was there last Wednesday through Thursday when I heard she was transferred. She had called me on Tuesday, excited to be going home and I offered to come up for the weekend and take care of her and she gladly accepted. She had a turn for the worse that same night and unfortunately, by the weekend she was in the ICU. I returned home Thursday night, sick with my annual case of a sinus infection and bronchitis.

However, while I was there I was able to talk to her a little, hold her hand, rub her head, tell her it would all be OK. It is hard to see someone struggle to breath.

Jesus. What the hell is going on? Where are her test results. She is in "fair" condition and nothing is working.

My last post I wrote about prayer. While I'm praying now. Praying that those test show something that can be treatable. Praying that she keeps being the fighter I know she is and that she hangs in there as long as it takes. Praying that all of the prayers from me and the dozens and dozens of people who know and love Sally are surrounding her with healing white light and love.

Please, Sally, just hold on.

Some Thoughts on Prayer

My oldest nephew was potty trained pretty early. The only thing the he a difficult time with was wiping his butt after pooping. Being a thoughtful little boy, he would call for his Mom to come clean him up. But, after a couple of weeks, my sister felt he could do it himself and told him that he was now a big boy and big boys wiped their own butts. Now, my nephew was raised a UU, but his grandparents were Lutheran and he was exposed to prayers and had asked about what they were and was given a good Lutheran answer (whatever that may be). One day he told him Mom he was going potty. She got busy with things and after a few minutes thought things were too quiet for comfort. She looked for him high and low and finally found him still on the toilet, his head bowed, eyes shut, hands folded. "What are you doing?" she asked. "Mommy," he said, "I'm just praying to God that you'll come wipe my butt!" (Sorry - John, but after 38 years, that is still funny and sweet.)

I think that day a prayer might have been answered, but after that the kid was left up to his own devises!

One of my Church Ladies friends, who is a seminary student, UU and fellow blogger, wrote a blog post on prayer, which got me thinking. Check out http://www.earthbound-spirit.blogspot.com/

I have struggled with prayer all of my life, until a couple of years ago. Who was I suppose to pray to? Heck, my prayers were never answered, so why bother? What should I pray for? Can I bargain with God? Who is this God? And why would He bother answering my prayers when there were so many, many other prayers sent to Him much more important than mine.

Through a long series of events in my life and after searching for a long time, I was led to the Unitarian Universalist church. What a concept - they didn't really pray. . . they meditated. Hmmm, could that be a form of prayer? When they did pray, it wasn't like the Lutheran prayers I was brought up with. Not to the God in the sky or to Jesus on a cross. They prayed but to a higher power, to the Creator of the earth, to Mother Nature.

Shortly after I discovered the UU church I took a workshop entitled "Cakes for the Queen of Heaven." The curriculum was written by UU minister Shirley Rank and opened up a whole new world for me at the time. The feminine in the divine. The Goddess. Mother Nature. Finally, something I could grab on to, something I could understand.

Being a lifelong tree hugger (I truly hugged trees as a kid) and nature lover, seeing the divine in Nature, the beauty that was all around me and being able to be with people who understood how I could find my higher power in Nature was wonderful. It led me to a women's spirituality (my Church Ladies) group and to another workshop entitled, "Rise Up and Call Her Name," continuation of "Cakes for the Queen of Heaven." This led to serving for over 3 years on the UU Central Midwest District of Women & Religion www.womenandreligion.org which involved the planning of a annual winter conference (WomanSpirit) and a summer women's retreat at Ronora www.ronora.org . As part of the conferences and retreats, there was a heavy emphasis on ritual work. Writing, developing and participating in various rituals became almost second nature to me. It was fun, rewarding and fulfilling in many ways - both in group ritual and the small, quiet rituals I did for just myself. And I still participate, enjoy and look forward to both types of rituals.

But what does all of this have to do with prayer?

As I participated in ritual, assisted with sweat lodges, drummed, danced and talked with other women I found myself opening to the thought and action of prayer. How it came in all different forms - not only with hands folded and head bowed, but dancing, laughing, drumming, sweating, singing and ritual. I began to understand that prayer was and could be, to me, both meditation and action.

Over the years my thoughts and beliefs have changed and grown, but in my late 30s and into well into my 40s, this all had a huge, positive impact on me. And, slowly prayer came into my life.

There is a Garth Brooks song - Unanswered Prayers, in which he sings about a woman he loved and wanted as a young man. He prayed that he would have her forever. At the time he thought that what he was praying for was want he truly wanted in life. But this prayer was never answered and they went their own ways. In reflection many years later he realized that it was a blessing. He couldn't imagine what his life would have been like if that prayer would have been answered. He realized he was so happy with the way his life turned out, the way it was. One of God's greatest gifts is unanswered prayers.

When I first heard that song it was a "aha" moment. Maybe for all those years I was praying for the wrong things and, who knows, maybe even praying to the wrong . . . well, thing (person, deity, saint, God?). Maybe my life was turning out just as it meant to be - rocky roads, pot holes and all. Maybe my prayers had been answered, but just not quite as I expected them to be.

Ahhh, not the way I expected them to be.

Are my prayers now being answered? Yes. No. Maybe. I'm no longer focused on the answer, but rather the intent.

So, now when I pray it is usually a prayer of gratitude. Gratitude for my life - as it is, as it will become. I pray for loved ones in need, I pray for those I don't know, but need help. I pray that all is well in my world and the world around me.

I find myself praying in nature without even being aware of it. Planting flowers, hiking, walking the dogs, seeing birds in flight and the leaves changing in the fall. Prayers are all around me if I stop to look and listen. Sometimes prayer and states of grace go hand in hand.

I pray as a leap of faith - that there is something out there that is hearing me, listening to me. I believe there is.

I pray because I truly believe the energy we put forth in prayer makes its way to where we send it - a loved one who is sick, a friend in need, a thought for a better world. I see my prayers as bluish-white light, as a beam being sent out from my heart, my soul.

Who do I pray to? While if it is a active thoughtful prayer (not in a state of grace as in nature) I pray to both the Mother and the Father as I see my higher power as a mixture of both (with a little more emphasis on the feminine).

And I end my prayer with "Blessed Be. Amen." A nod to both my current Earth-Based spiritual beliefs and the God I was raised with.

And, sometimes I end them with this - Merry meet, merry part and merry met again. The circle is open, but never broken. Blessed be.

The Caffeine Test

Thanks, Earthbound-Spirit, for another fun quiz. This, after eating a chocolate donut!

Click link to take the test: http://www.oneplusyou.com/q/v/caffeine

New Girl In Town

Four generations: Terri, Lindsey with Taylor, and Terri' s Mom, Pam

My gal pal, Terri, became a grandmother for the 2nd time last week. Her daughter, Lindsey, had a little girl, Taylor Elizabeth. Taylor joins her big brother, Payton. Unfortunately, all I had was my phone camera. Terri sent me the beautiful picture above.

Hey - when Lindsey discovered her baby was a girl and decided on the name Taylor Elizabeth, no one "got" the reverse of the name of a very beautiful and talented actress! I think Taylor will be even more beautiful and talented in what ever she wants to be!

Jeremy, Taylor's daddy, just returned from Iraq and is now in Kansas. He will met his daughter on Friday. This was Jeremy's second tour in Iraq. Thank goodness he is home safe and sound. And, to make it even better - everyone in his unit came home!

Here is a proud big brother!

I guess it isn't always easy being a big brother!

Listening to the Rain

I'm listening to the rain.

It's a nice, calming sound.

Phil drove back home tonight after coming up late this afternoon. He just called to say he arrived home safe and sound and that it was raining down there, too. We both said it would be a nice night to snuggle and listen to the rain together. Oh, well . . . sometimes 76 miles seems like 1,076 miles.

The good thing about listening to the rain is I won't have to go out and shovel it!

More on Friendship

This past week I had the pleasure of spending time in Atlanta with my gal pal, Anne-Marie, who flew over from her home in Ireland.

We stayed with my sister & brother-in-law, Sue and Marty, who were wonderful hosts to both of us (well, I'm there A LOT as it is). Anne-Marie thoroughly enjoyed Sue and Marty as well as their great home.

Anne-Marie and I don't see each other a lot due to living on different continents, but when we do see each other it is like the years and miles fall away. We truly enjoy each other's company and travel well together. She is friendly and easy going and up to try anything.

Highlights included Callaway Gardens, Anna Ruby Falls, hiking the Appalachian Trail for about 4/10 of a mile - just long enough so that she can honestly say she was on it (after explaining to her what it is all about), and hiking up Brasstown Bald Mountain.

Philip flew down on Thursday and treated all of us to a great time (despite the cold and rain) at a Braves game. Marty caught a fly ball and presented it Anne-Marie and Phil arranged for her to receive a "goodies" package which included a Braves hat. Phil drove us drove down to Reynolds Plantation so Anne-Marie could see where we plan to purchase a home and live. I am so pleased that the 2 of them finally had a chance to get to know each other.

It was a busy week. Anne-Marie loves to shop so there was a lot of stores (ahhh, those Brighton bags!). And, there were wonderful chats over the tea pot.

Now she's back home and so am I. I feel a little empty. I miss her company and her laughter. We parted with no immediate plans to see each other, although we discussed the possibility of meeting in Rome or someplace in Spain within the next year or so. Maybe I'll go back to Ireland for a 4th time and we'll tour Northern Ireland or southeastern Ireland - places I haven't been yet. Maybe Phil will come along and golf while we talk and shop.

What I do know is I'm blessed with the friendship of this kind and generous woman. I know our friendship will last until neither of us are able to pick up the phone and call or text each other! And, I also know that the next time we are together it will time time filled with chatter and love.

Will It Never End?

I have had it with winter. I hate it and I want out! We are in the midst of a spring blizzard today. Yuck.



Having SAD is bad enough and makes every winter difficult, but this winter has been the worse on my psyche than any other I can remember.



The last week of somewhat nicer weather, the melting of 90% of the 80+ inches of snow we have had (and I have personally shoveled), has just been a tease. Not only for me, who was thrilled to see my daffodils pushing up, but for my dogs, too.


Lucy Lou, my "outside" girl, was spending more and more time sniffing the grass she hadn't seen in 4 months and finding spots of afternoon sun to it in. Both dogs are restless. We had started our long walks again and now - well, none of us likes walking in the snow and ice.


Phil has told me several times that we only have two more winters to go before our retirement. If the next one is as bad as this winter has been, I may just quit and find a beach to bum food on for the next the rest of my life!


What a drag this winter has been.


Oh, yeah . . . Happy Spring!

Piano Man

Sunday night my boyfriend and I (along with my nephew and his wife, Patrick & Pam) saw Billy Joel at the Bradley Center.

He rocked the house down.

It was also a great reminder of the influence his man as had over music during the last 30+ years. He's been around, he's a survivor. He's the piano man.

However, he didn't sing one of my favorites, "Uptown Girl." Maybe Christy got the rights!

But, if you want to hear it, try this link (he still had hair in this video!):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2F-nt7aC_JQ&feature=related

If you ever get the chance - go see him. It was a great show.

Good Reads

Just finished a couple of books I would like to recommend. While I won't really get into the story details (you can google the books and read about them on your own), I would like to offer my opinion them.

First - One Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini. Hosseini also wrote The Kite Runner, a book I enjoyed tremendously. This takes place in Afghanistan, starting in the 1970s through around 2004. It is the story of 2 women, a generation apart, who come together and become each other's life lines.

I have to say this book is one of the most powerful books I have ever read (well, I listened to it on CD). It is well-written, spares no details on what live was like in the city of Kabul during this time period of communist rule, its downfall and the rise and fall (? if it really has) of the Taliban and of what life was like for women these time periods.

If you love to read, this book is a must for anyone. I would love to discuss it further.


Next is Body Surfing by Anita Shreve. I've read several of her books and enjoy them. It was a good read and a good examination of families and the interactive active relationships within them and the sometimes risk it takes to love again. Shreve is not for everyone and I will admit there was one of her books I didn't finish, but Body Surfing is pretty good.

And, finally, I FINISHED Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett. What can I say? It wasn't one of my all time favoritesm it was interesting and had a very good story line. I'd recommend it if you have a long time to read it! Great history of medival England, the Church and all of the politics, written around several love stories and the story of a monk who dreamed of building a catherdral.

Voting

I was 174th at my voting precinct today when I walked in at 3:50 pm.

I have to admit, I was undecided as to who I would vote for. For me, there were two great choices. I've done my reading, mulled over the issues, even discussed the candidates with others (which I NEVER do as I really hate politics) and I still wasn't sure.

So, there I stood, ballot in front of me, still debating. What to do? Who to vote for?

I made a decision and drew the line to complete the voting arrow.

This was the first time in all the years that I have been voting that the decision was so difficult for me to make.

For me, it was the right decision. However, I have faith in the other candidate.

What a mess.

One other note: Why is Hillary Clinton always referred to as "Hillary" and Barack Obama always referred to as "Obama?" Has anyone else noticed this?

Life's Persistent Questions

As part of its adult education program, my church offers UUnity Circles. The circles are a group of 7 to 10 adults who meet approximately every 3 weeks. Each circle has a "theme" that they discuss. For example: there is one entitled "This I Believe" based on the NPR program and yet another is geared towards discussing Buddhism, and another may discuss spirituality in every day life.

The groups are formed "as a way for people to explore their deepest understanding of life in the midst of a community of faith" as stated in the brochure promoting the circles. When I heard about the UUnity circles I was interested, excited and eager to join. I am not an active member of my church so I thought this would be one way to still be part of the church community.

The group I selected was "Life's Persistent Questions." Each person (there are 10 of us) put several questions into a "hat" and each time we meet we discuss one or two questions.We meet in each other's homes. The meetings begin with the chalice lighting, a short reading chosen by the host or hostess, a check-in from each person and then the discussion, followed by another reading at the end. We meet promptly from 7 to 9 pm.

This time the question was: Suppose that today were the last day of your life. As you think back over your life, what were your happiest, most joyful and/or meaningful experiences or relationships and what have you accomplished that makes you the most proud?

I have really been thinking about this. Up until about 5 or 6 years ago I would tend to think about the negative things I had done - and there are plenty! I remember shortly after I bought my house I was commiserating about what I saw as all negatives in my life. I was with my gal pal, Sally. Finally she got fed up listening to me and basically said, "Girl - look around you. You own a home. You have a good, stable job. You have a loving family and lots of caring friends. Wake up and smell the coffee!" And, slowly I began to see things differently. With the help of good friends, supportive family and a good man in my life, I realized there are and I have done far more good than bad and I should be proud of what I have accomplished thus far.

But thinking about them and then discussing them openly with others seems like tooting your own horn. The old negatives creep in: I'm not college educated. I don't have a high paying "power" job. I haven't had a successful marriage. I don't have wonderful children (or any children). I haven't gone back to school mid-life. I haven't served in the Peace Corp or raised millions for charity or yadda, yadda, yadda.

See a pattern here: NOT, DON'T, HAVEN'T - all negatives. So, what have I done that I am proud of? What are my most joyful and/or meaningful experiences? Well, here's goes. Not in necessarily in any order unless otherwise stated, here is what I talked about:

First and this is the most important accomplishment of my life because without having done it I deeply believe I would not be here right now. On August 29, 1993 I walked into an AA meeting for the first time. I have remained sober since. I have been active in meetings, made some wonderful, awesome friends and have turned my life around in every single aspect. This hasn't made me a perfect person by any means and boy, do I have my faults, but it gave me the tools to live my life in a much better way then I had lived up until that day in August, 1993. Thank God I took that first step and thank God for Bill W. and Dr. Bob. All the good in my life since that day in 1993 is a direct result of being in AA.

Through instinct or just being blessed, I have surrounded myself with good people. Good friends who I treasure and love more then they will ever know. From gal pals that I have had since childhood, to my wonderful church ladies, co-workers who became friends. They have loved me and supported me and put up with shit from me, hanging in there for whatever it was worth. I only hope that I have been there for them when they needed me and that they know I will always be available to them.

One of my greatest accomplishments (not sure that is the correct term) is being a bone marrow donor. Having been an avid blood donor most of my adult life and just over one year into my sobriety, I was able to donate bone marrow to a young, vibrant woman who had leukemia. Becky is healthy and happy, all these years later. We have stayed in touch, much to my joy. She has a wonderful husband and they have adopted 3 great kids. It was such an easy thing to do, yet had such a huge impact on so many people besides myself - Becky (obviously), her husband, Cary, their families and friends. And, there are 3 little kids in Michigan who have awesome, loving parents because of me. And, again, it was soooo easy!

Through some other grace, I have been with my job (albeit in a ton of different positions) for over 30 years now. The word "pension" and "security" that my parents pounded into my head must have stuck! I haven't always been happy with my job, but right now I am in the best place I couple possibly be and look forward to retiring in less then 3 years. Halleluiah!

Shortly after my divorce I became involved with a very loving and caring man who was raising his 4 children on his own. Because this was my first "sober" romantic relationship, I look on it as the first "adult" relationship I had to this point. While we were only together for a year, this relationship had a huge impact on how I look at loving relationships and what I really wanted in a relationship. During the course of that year I became very close to his youngest daughter. For a few years after we broke up, I remained close to her and spent a lot of time with her. Both relationships, with him and his daughter taught me I deserve the type of love I always wanted and dreamed about and, it taught me that I would have been a good mother if I would have had children (and been sober). I learned so much about myself during this time.

In the late summer of 1999, with no money and no resources, I bought my house. For someone who lived and continues to live, barely from paycheck to paycheck, I think this is a great accomplishment. I love my house (see previous, older posts). It is my home.

As I grow older I have deepen my appreciation of nature. From puttering in my little garden to hiking up mountains, down canyons, or walking along the beach of an ocean, nature is everywhere. Many, many of my greatest experiences or times of joy happened experiencing nature - zip lining in Costa Rica, seeing the land of Georgia while I sky dived, looking out of a cave in Sedona, AZ, the mountains in Ireland, the lochs in Scotland, the birds out of my living room window. Times of pure and simple grace have happened while I was planting annuals in my yard or pulling weeds. I have learned to be open to all of this and let nature show me her beauty.

I have learned the pleasure of simple joys. Playing gin rummy with Phil, laughing with my girlfriends, listening - really listening to people, laughing at the antics of my dogs, watching my great-niece take her first steps and to be, oh, so very grateful and thankful for being given these simple pleasures.

I am glad I really got to know my parents and was able to see them through adult eyes. They are and were wonderful people who truly loved each other and their "girls." They raised us the best they could and did a darn good job. They knew when to help and when to let go. I am blessed to have the parents that I did.

I am sure there will be more accomplishments to come, more happiness and joy - along with the rain that falls into all lives. There are things I would change in my life if I could, things I would do differently. But, overall, I have a good life, a full life and a happy life. I like what I see, and in the end, that is all that matters.

Good Reads / Bad Reads

I have read or listened to a couple of books recently. Two of them are for my book group. The others are just for pleasure - although I consider reading (or listening to) a book one of the greatest pleasures in the world.

In January the book club discussed The Dogs of Babel by Carolyn Parkhurst. The overall consensus was that it was well-liked and enjoyable. It is the view of a marriage from the husband whose wife died when she fell out of tree. He is trying to come to terms with the fact that she was mentally ill and committed suicide. The only witness to her death was their dog, Lorelei (great name for a dog). Therefore, he feels he must get Lorelei to tell him exactly what happened. It is the story of a breakdown and the coming back from a great loss. It does also tell the story of some very sick people who believe dogs actually can talk (communicate like humans) by surgically altering their vocal cords, jaws, etc. Luckily, that part is not a large part of the story. I enjoyed it. I thought it had interesting characters and character development. The main character was not interest in surgically altering his dog, so the way he was trying to teach her was both sad and funny. The book was a fast read, too.

In February we will be discussing Plain Truth by Jodi Picoult . Let me begin by saying that when my girlfriend, Sally, read Picoult's My Sister's Keeper she called me up and said, "Girl, you got to read this book!" She went on to say the ending would "knock me on my ass!" Well, I did read (actually listened to) My Sister's Keeper. It was an awesome book and, yes, the ending blew me away. When the surprise twist came at the end I actually pulled my car over. I couldn't believe it.

So, I looked forward to Plain Truth. It is about an Amish girl who delivers a baby in the family barn, which is later found dead and the high powered, burned out lawyer who defends her. While I enjoyed the basic story, learning more about the Amish and liked most of the characters, I found the story turned sluggish and I got a little bored. The "surprise ending" was no surprise. All throughout the book I kept thinking, "why isn't she (the attorney) asking the obvious question." So, when the question was answered, by a character volunteering the information, I was more angry at the author than surprised at the story punch. Duh! A good attorney would have asked this question from the beginning. Oh, well . . . it will be interesting to see what the book group thinks.

I listened to, or tried to listen to Half Moon by Alice Sebold. Having loved her book, The Lovely Bones, again I looked forward to this book. The story is about a woman in her late 40s who has been caring for her elderly mother all of her life. One night she snaps while caring for her now 88 year old mother and smothers her to death. The next 24 hours examines the daughter's life with the domineering mother, the actions she takes and her relationship to others around her. Now, I really can't relate to a "mother from hell." I had a warm and loving mother. So, maybe this had do with not relating to the main character at all. I wanted to slap her upside the head and yell "SNAP OUT OF IT." Therefore, I stopped after the 5th CD and skipped to the last CD and listened to the last few minutes of the book. The whole thing irritated me. I really didn't like the main character and since she narrated the book, I didn't care for the book. Also, the "reader" of the book on CD had a monotone, bored voice. This didn't help.

As for Pillars of the Earth? I'm well over half way through and still plugging along. I still am enjoying it. And, I will finish it. Really!

Rate My Life

Took this quiz. Thank you Earth-bound Spirit for the link. I think I have a pretty darn good life. And, according to the quiz, I rated higher than the average person. I'll keep it!

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	7.5
Mind:	7
Body:	6.6
Spirit:	9.2
Friends/Family:	5.6
Love:	7.7
Finance:	7.5
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

Next Super Model

We don't get many perks as government employees. No bonuses. No fancy business trips. No holiday parties paid for by the company. So, once in a great while when something comes along that might be fun, I jump at the chance.

Today there was a video shoot and still shots taken for our new recruit brochure and Public Service Announcement. I was asked if I would like to pose as a "victim" (or customer, however you want to look at it, I guess) in a med unit. Being a camera ham and seeing a fun opportunity, I agreed.

Since I had on a sweatshirt that had a MFD patch on it, I turned it around on my body and climbed into a med unit. I had never been in one and hope I am never in one again, but it was cool. I posed with Josh, who is a paramedic and assigned to my division in Community Relations, and Jenny another paramedic assigned to the field. Josh, by the way, will be moving on in a week as he will be promoted to a paramedic lieutenant!

Josh hooked me up to an IV, Jenny took my blood pressure and hooked me up to the heart monitor and Darin, our AV guy, shot video and then stills.

I was suppose to look very sick. I think I did a great job! Ha! One of the 20 still shots Darin took (similar to the ones in in this post) will be on the front of the brochure. Boy - I can't wait to see how bad I look in the video!

This last picture was taken for laughs, although I am sure there might have been a few times that Josh wanted to strangle me!

Plugging Away

My boyfriend read Ken Follett's Pillars of the Earth. It took him a while, but he loved it and refers to it as one of the best books he has ever read.

After he was finished he gave it to me to read. And, I have been reading, and reading, and reading.

I must say that I am enjoying it. All 973 pages. I'm currently on page 442. And, I will admit to glazing over part of it.

It is about a monk in the 1400s who builds a cathedral. Now that is a grand simplification. There are a dozen subplots and all of the characters are interesting. I am learning about the Middle Ages - its mason work and how these great cathedrals were built, the Church and its influence over every day life, politics of the time, what life was like for both the peasants and upper class, life on a monastery, etc. It was not an easy life not matter where you lived or what you did! Plus, there is a lot of violence, raping and just plain meanness going on. On the flip side, it also shows love between a man and a woman, love of family and love of God.

Since I started it I have read one other book (Dogs of Babel for my book club, which I recommend). I doubt that I will take another book break from it as I'm pretty caught up in it now that I'm almost half way through.

So, if you want to spend these long winter evenings reading a good book, I recommend this one. It will take you through to spring!

Oh, one more thing. I thought of listening to it on CDs in my car. Thirty-two CDs for the unabridged version! I'd have to drive to China and back!

Winter Pictures

In my attempt to appreciate winter more, I took pictures in my yard on December 29th. The next day I took a short trip to Cedarburg, WI and brought along my camera.

Cedarburg is a small, charming German town about 25 miles north of Milwaukee. My grandparents lived in this town in a house built by my Grandmother's grandparents. I have wonderful memories of Cedarburg and my grandparents (Oma and Opa). Cedarburg is a great place to shop and is host to many festivals throughout the year. It has grown, but has kept its old world charm.

Anyway, here are the pictures I took. The first few are from my garden, the rest are from Cedarburg.

Long Winter Nights

I don't do well in winter.

I have SAD (Seasonal affective disorder) to some extent. So did my Mom, so I guess I inherited it.

I try to be aware of it. I try not to let it affect me, but these long dark nights and cold days really do a number on me - my health, my emotions, my attitude - just everything.

I want to live in a climate where in winter I grab a light coat to go out - not a heavy coat, scarf, hat, mittens, warm socks and ugly shoe-like boot things to keep my feet dry.

I dislike getting up in the dark and coming home in the semi-dark. I dislike not being able to walk my dogs because of the cold (and salt on the sidewalks) and I don't feel safe walking them in the dark during the winter. Where are my flowers? Buried deep beneath the soil. I start to doubt if I will ever see them again!

I get so anxious. I get easily frustrated. My emotions run high and then low - I bounce all over the place. I shut down-figuratively and literally. I'm tired. Where's my cave? I put on (even more) weight. I cry a lot and am overly sensitive. Did I mention that I am so very tired? It is like my emotions are on a tight rope and I'm not doing a very good balancing act.

I want the sun. I've sick of snow and it's only the first month of winter. I'm sick of my shovel.

Although I get a lot of reading done, I lose energy and interest in other things. I have great plans for projects to do each winter and each winter I fail miserably at them - I rarely even start them.

I want to be left alone, yet I feel clingy.

I try to see the beauty in the season, and I do to a point. I enjoy the beautiful sunsets in winter, the fresh, crisp air, fresh snow on the trees. I like seeing kids playing, building snowmen, sledding. I love watching the birds at my feeder - stocking up before a storm.

Then the snow gets dirty and ugly. The streets are filthly, garbage piles up, my car is dirty all of the time. I hate it.

UGH! It is so frustrating.

I need sun. I need warmth. I need a long walk with Phil, with my dogs.

After this winter, only 2 more before I can retire. It can't come soon enough. After I retire I only want to see snow on calendar pictures.

More Books

As I mentioned in my last post, there were 19 books that were not chosen to be read by my book group in 2008. Of the 19 I have read 4 (Time Traveler's Wife, Anywhere But Here, Daughter of Fortune and The Thirteenth Tale) and have 1000 Splendid Suns (audio version) on the waiting list to get from the library.

Will I read the other 14? Don't know. I'm only familiar with a couple of them and I might read those. So unless I get any input on any others, I probably won't. The book I recommended, The Thirteenth Tale, didn't make the cut. It is a great book, unusual, somewhat Gothic. Sally recommended it to me and I loved it. Oh, well . . . it has a great website - http://www.thethirteenthtale.com/ - check it out!

Here is a list of the books not chosen:

Evil Genes by Barb Oakley
Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger
Almost Moon by Alice Seybold
1000 Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini
Dante Club by M. Perle
The Most Wanted by J. Michard
Anywhere But Here by Mona Simpson
Long Way Gone by Ishmael Beach
Loving Frank by Nancy Horan
Bethlehem Road by Ann Perry
Farmboys by William Felloews
Being Dead by Jim Crace
Daughter of Fortune by Isabelle Allende
Under the Banner of Heaven by Jon Krakauer
The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield
Vegetable, Animal, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver
The Most Famous Man in America by Debby Applegate
Yiddish Policeman's Union by Michael Chabon
Service Included by Phoebe Damrosch

Enjoy!

Book Club

I belong to a Women's Book Group through my church http://www.uucw.org/


The group recently selected the books to be read in 2008. Unfortunately, I couldn't attend that night, but am happy with the books chosen. I've read 3 of them already so it should be an easy year.


I have either read or listened to: Saving Fish from Drowning by Amy Tam (excellent, I enjoy her books); Snow Flower and the Secret Fan by Lisa See (grabbed at the airport on the way home from Costa Rica and glad I did!) and Walk in the Woods by Bill Bryson (listened on CD - very funny and highly informative book about the Appalachian Trail).


I find the list includes one classic and a host of fantastic authors.

So, here is what I will be reading for sure the next year. Plus, all the books on CD and other recommendations. My next post will be of the books not chosen for 2008 - there are 19 of them. These women LOVE to read!


Dogs of Babel by Carolyn Parkhurst
Plain Truth by Jodi Picout
Come Along with Me by Shirley Jackson
Lolita by Nabakov
Saving Fish from Drowning by Amy Tan
Pushing the Bear by Diane Glancy
Snow Flower and the Secret Fan by Lisa See
1000 White Women by Jim Fergus
Walk in the Wood by Bill Bryson
Alias Grace by Margaret Atwood
Shattered Dreams by Irene Spencer

Wrapping Gifts (A Lesson in Frustration!)

I'm wrapping presents tonight.

Unfortunately, I'm terrible at it.

Luckily, I don't have too many to wrap!

Thank goodness for gift bags!!!

Ho! Ho! Ho!

Still of the Night

Winter Solstice

Of all of the Earth-based holidays/celebrations, winter solstice is my favorite. Not only because of its closeness to the Christian celebration of Christmas, but because it means the return of the light. The end of the year, the birth of a new year. A time of hope, joy and peace.

The midwinter sun stays a little longer each day. The return of the sun light brings forth the moment of new beginnings.

For me it is a time of reflection, a time of hope, a fresh start to the new year. A time of knowing that the days are longer and having the sun light kiss my face.

Tonight it is snowing like crazy. I've just returned from Terri's house where I brought her a Middle Eastern birthday dinner (Happy Birthday, Terri - December 17th). The drive home was slippery and I am happy to be in my snug house, flannel pj's and drinking hot chocolate. The dogs are curled up on my lap and at my feet and I'm looking at the Christmas lights in my living room. My bird feeders are full so the birds won't be hungry in the morning. A new shovel is waiting for me on the front porch. Phil is with his daughter this weekend, but I know he is with me in spirit, as always.

I feel peaceful. I feel content. Solstice will be here in a few days. I will light candles and know that all is well, that all is well, that all is well.

May the circle open, but never be broken. Merry meet and merry part and merry meet again. Happy Solstice every one.

For a cool website on Winter Solstice see http://www.candlegrove.com/solstice.html

They Don't Get Much Cuter

It's an auntie's right to brag - similar to that of a grandmother. So, here are 2 pictures of my youngest great-niece, Shannon Erin. One was taken in June and the other on December 1st.

I have another adorable great-niece, Cadyn, who lives in Atlanta and is equally as cute. I don't see her much, but here is one from last March, along with her, extremely handsome brother, Coggan.

Then there is Aaron, Shannon's 15 year old big brother, who avoid cameras like they are the plague. Here is one from last March with me.

Happy Solstice and Merry Christmas

A few years ago my church lady friend, Nikki, turned me on to this song by Dar Williams. I really like it and it helps to create a bridge between the Pagans and Christians during this holiday season. Enjoy! (Thank you Earth-Bound Spirit for walking me through the uploading video experience. Not quite sure how I did it after a dozen attempts, but this try worked!)

Flu Blues

I've had the flu.

It started on Tuesday when I woke up with a headache that just wouldn't go away. I felt fine otherwise, but no matter what I tried, the headache lingered.

That night I had the chills and a fever. The night was full of nightmares, groans, aches and pains. I worried about getting up to let the dogs out, I couldn't get warm, I was too hot. Horrible monsters chased me in dreams (so much for the "thriller" book I am reading - it came to life that night). Wednesday was spent in my jammies, thick socks, slippers, a bathrobe, blankets and since no matter what I did I couldn't get my hands warm, gloves. I was never up for more than an hour. I piled blankets on the bed, drink lots of liquids (mostly warm) and waited it out. I must admit, I have never slept in gloves before. I hope I never feel the necessity to do so again.



Phil was out of town and couldn't be with me. I knew he was worried. He had the same bugga bugga a few days before, so he had a pretty good idea of how miserable I was.



This morning was better. A shower is a wonderful thing! All of my bedding got washed and I felt a little more human. Phil came up for a few hours and gave me some much needed TLC. Tonight I am almost back to normal (whatever that is!).

Back to work tomorrow.

Let Me Give Thanks

Thanksgiving is here and I am filled with gratitude for so many things in my life. I am blessed with so much. When I think of all I am grateful for, my heart swells. So, I decided to count my blessings. And, although there are many more then listed below, here are a few.

• Philip. What can I say about this wonderful man? I've waited a lifetime and he is well worth the wait. He makes my heart sing. He is my greatest blessing.


• My family. Parents who truly loved me and did their best, which was pretty darn good. Two sisters who are loving and supportive. A small extended family that I try to keep up with. My "greats:" Aaron, Coggan, Cadyn and Shannon. How wonderful are they?
  
• My home. After 8 years it is still my place of safety and security and love. Every single day when I leave it or come home to it, I look at it with pride. I own a home.


• My dogs. They have taught me unconditional love and to take responsibility for a life other than mine. They make me laugh every day. Some people say dogs don't have souls. I beg to differ. Not only do they have souls, but they have helped me find mine.
  
• Friends. From Vicki, Beth and Shelley whom I have known since grade school to new friends I've made over the years. My church ladies, who are always an email away. Over the years I truly don't know what I would have done with them. Anne-Marie, who lives in another country yet we remain close. Friends I've made through my various work locations, like Nancy and Terri. Sally, my traveling gal pal and one of the few people I can talk to about anything and everything. Thank all of you for being there and hanging in there with me.


• Books. I love books. One of the greatest things about the United States is the library system. My life would be so empty without books. I can't remember not reading and appreciate the gifts of all the writers of every book in the world.


• A job I love. I can't say all of my almost 30-year career with the City of Milwaukee has been great, but I have never had to ask for a raise, I've had great health care and have had a very wide and varied amount of experiences. I've learned a lot. And, right now I have the best job I've ever had. I work with great, hard working dedicated people. All of whom I really appreciate.


• The ability to enjoy nature and all of Her beauty. I love my flowers and the birds at my feeders. I love seeing the sun rise over the roof tops and bell tower of St. Augustine's. I have seen and experienced Natures beauty from different parts of the world. The Earth's beauty is a great blessing for all of us, if we would just open our eyes and look.

I'm sure I will be adding to this list over the next few days. Some blessings I will keep to myself, though and continue to say a quiet prayer of thanks.

May all of you have the opportunity to sit down, be still, and count your blessings. I think you'll be surprised at how many you have.

Blessings and Chocolate Shakes

Every other Sunday I go to visit my Dad, who resides in a nursing home. Dad has Alzheimer's. Sometimes he remembers me, sometimes he doesn't. But, that's OK - he is well cared for, the home is outstanding and he is happy and cheerful. He is always glad to see me, and on a good day remembers who I am after a few minutes.


Dad's roommate is Don. I don't know much about Don. He has Parkinson's and has great difficulty talking. I know from the pictures on his wall that he has kids, but I have never seen him with a visitor.

Don, as well as all the other residents, love it when I bring my dog, Gracie, to see Dad. He also enjoys children and was thrilled when my nephew brought Dad's great-granddaughter, Shannon, to visit as a baby a year ago. I took Shannon, just a few weeks old, to Don and he gently touched her and smiled and laughed. He could not take his eye's off of her.

My sister, Sue, discovered last summer that Don loves chocolate and sweets in general. She had stopped at LeDucs (in Wales, WI) frozen custard stand and brought both Dad and Don a shake. Don was thrilled.

I go see Dad on Sundays in the morning, right before he goes to lunch. I plan it so that we have 45-60 minutes together before his lunch. When I go to see Dad I try to make the time to stop first at LeDucs. Sometimes I am pushing to get there before lunch and don't make the time to stop. Sometimes I forget. But today I remembered, gave myself enough time, and got a chocolate shake for Don and a strawberry shake for Dad.

Dad was sitting in his wheelchair in the hall when I arrived. Obviously, he didn't know who I was, but he smiled and agreed to sit in the sun room with me. I left him for a minute, walked down the hall and found Don nodding off in their room.

I lightly touched Don's shoulder and he looked up. I told him who I was and that I had a surprise for him. He smiled a little. I held up the white LeDuc's bag.

For a split second, for a tiny moment in time, I didn't see Don as an elderly man, in a wheel chair, ravished by Parkinson's, but as a 7 year old Don on Christmas morning or maybe seeing the best birthday present a 7 year old could imagine. His whole face changed, he smiled and beamed.

I pulled out the shake and he reached out for it before I had time to put the straw in it. I added the straw and I teased him by saying, "Don, the nurse might not like you having a shake before lunch - you'll ruin your lunch. He frowned a little and I continued, "But, I won't tell if you don't tell!" He beamed and I left him to enjoy it. He whispered a faint, "Thank you!"

I wheeled Dad to the sun room and give him his shake. After a couple of sips he said it was wonderful, but made him cold, so I went back to the room for a sweater. Don was totally enjoying his shake, his eyes shining.

Dad and I had a nice visit and I think that if he could, he would have happily licked the plastic cup the shake came in! He remembered who I was - at least for a few minutes. I wheeled him into the dining room for lunch and kissed him good bye. As I looked over, there was Don at another table struggling to eat jello. I went over to him and gave him a little hug and asked which flavor I should bring next time. He whispered, "strawberry."

Blessings come in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes in our busy lives, it is hard to see them. But, they are always there, probably more then we realize. Today for a blink in time I saw a 80+ year frial old man turn back into a 7 year old boy. All it took was a chocolate shake. Now that was a true blessing.

houses

Phil and I are looking for houses.

Not a house to share immediately, but a house we will retire to and live in for years and years to come.

Since I live in Milwaukee and he lives outside of Chicago and we are looking in the southeastern states, this can get confusing!

We have some specific criteria about the area we want to live in. It has to be in a golf community. It needs be on or near water. We need to be close to a major airport. The community at large should be progressive. There should be a mixture of "mature adults" and young families. We want things to do besides look at the water and golf, so we want it to be located close to a college or university and it should be a community that offers activities, clubs, events, etc.

We have some specific criteria regarding the type of house we want. Phil wants a large home, big enough for entertaining, something we both enjoy. I want everything I need all on one floor - with other bedrooms and guest areas away from the master bedroom. We won't be "downsizing" that's for sure! We want it to have a casual feel, with open space, windows that let lots of light in and a feeling that our guests can walk in, sit down and put their feet up. A large kitchen that we can both work in (since we enjoy cooking together) as well as others who want to help and a formal dining area in which to share these meals. A designated office space for Phil, an area of quiet space for me. Plenty of bathrooms and a large, social area for guests to enjoy on their own, away from the public area of the house. Whoosh! That's a lot, and not all. The lot has to be large enough for the dogs and for me to do serious gardening. Phil would like a pool (a pool on lake property?), and not too close to neighbors.

So far we have seriously considered the Asheville, NC area. While I love this area, Asheville and the mountains, Phil would like to be near water. His concern is that it might get too cold for me in the winter months (one more criteria - not months and months of cold, but a 4 season area).

I have just returned from Hilton Head with my friends Terri and Sally. It is a beautiful area. I looked at houses in the Hilton Head area including Wexford , Palmetta Dunes and Spanish Wells. While an ocean view would be great (saw 2 we could afford with beautiful views that would include dolphins swimming by), I worry about hurricanes and alligators (more inland). I fear that in the peak tourist months, Hilton Head would be like living in Wisconsin Dells or Door County. Too many people and too much traffic.

We seem to be gravitating towards southeast Georgia. We have found a large golf community, on a lake, within 75 minutes of the Atlanta airport. The people are very friendly, there is a lot to do within the plantation (a name these communities are called down south, which I really dislike). There are restaurants and stores all nearby. There are books clubs, golf clubs, discussion groups - a million different things to become involved with and the community promotes participation in several volunteer organizations such as Habitat for Humanity. There is ample shopping and medical centers close, a movie theater and it is close to several great small towns as well as Atlanta, Athens and Macon. Hilton Head is a drivable 3 1/2 hours away. Most important for Phil is that there are 5 golf courses within the plantation and more coming, as well as many more courses in the general area.

This is a big decision for us. With retirement just over 2 years away for Phil and just under 3 years for me, maintaining yet a 3rd house (at last for the next year or so) seems a little nuts. And, this is a HUGE commitment for both of us.

Yet, the closer we get to narrowing down the exact house we want, the more excited we become. We were down exploring this community over Labor Day Weekend and looked at a 6 or 7 houses. I went down during a visit to my sister's in Atlanta in October and looked at a 6 or 7 more homes, returning to one in particular.

Phil and I just returned from "President's Weekend" where potential buyers are invited down for a fully comped weekend. This was a very low key sales pitch event and we were treated extremely well, including 2 nights at the Ritz-Carleton. We enjoyed ourselves immensely. We looked at a few houses, 2 of which we have both seen before and seem to be zeroing in on one in particular. We met some great people and seemed to have developed a very good friendship with our real estate agent and his wife, as well as a couple of their friends. It seems like it will be a good fit. I will be in Atlanta with family over Thanksgiving and will return to the house we like once again to check out the some of the furnishing included with the house.

And despite finding one house we both like, I have plans spread out on my dining room table, just in case we decide to build!

What will we decide? Well, time will tell. The important thing is is that Phil and I are continuing to grow in our relationship and to building a life together. We are planning a home that is welcoming and a good space to be in. It will be filled with love and laughter and it will be a place we can turn to in times of need. It won't be my home in Milwaukee or his home in Chicago, but our home. How wonderful is that?

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

I got squished tonight.

In other words, I went in for my annual mammogram.

This to me is a no brainer. It takes a few minutes, is very uncomfortable while it is being done, but once it is done, you are good to go.

Breast cancer runs in my family. My mother had it, my cousin, Lavetta, died from it and my cousin, Peg, is a breast cancer survivor. My grandmother (on my Dad's side) also had breast cancer. When I was 25 I had a benign tumor removed from my right breast. From then on, I haven't missed an annual exam.

Funny thing is that my little dog, Gracie, just had surgery for breast cancer a week ago. Now you may think, "A dog?" But, yes, it's possible. One of her nipples was red and swollen. It was removed and the pathology report was Stage I breast cancer. Fortunately, the tissue that was removed around the cancerous tissue was clear. And, in 24 hours Gracie was back to normal. Both the vet and I will watch her carefully, but she should be just fine.

Men can also have breast cancer. Tonight, I asked the technician who performed my mammogram about it. She said she has done several mammograms on men. They are very embarrassed about it, but it is more common than people realize.

I have several women friends who are breast cancer survivors. They are all strong women - as anyone is who survives cancer. I'm proud of them as I am of my cousin, Peg.

My sister recently had her mammogram as well has the new ultrasound test for breast cancer detection. I asked the technician about the possibility of the ultrasound for me as well, since I am considered a high breast cancer risk (due to family history). She stated I should talk to my doctor, but it would probably be a good idea. When I go in for my yearly physical in a couple of weeks, that will be discussed and I will push to have it done.

All is this being pro-active when it comes to my health and well-being. A mammogram is quick and easy and bring me peace of mind.

If you are a woman and you are reading this, I hope you, too, have been "squished" this year! If not, you still have time! And, don't forget the monthly self exams!

Just Breathe

I have sleep apnea. What this means is that periodically during the night I stop breathing. For more information check out: http://www.sleepapnea.org/


I noticed the problem myself, as well as Phil. So, last July I went in for a sleep study. After being hooked up to wires on over 20 different places on my body from my head, arms, chest, legs and neck, I was expected to fall asleep while being monitored by a sleep technician. Funny as it may seem, I did fall asleep and slept pretty well. The technician told me that if I exhibited signs of sleep apnea, she would come in during the night and hook me up to a CPAP device. And, sure enough, I was woke up in the middle of the night and a CPAP was placed over my mouth and nose.

CPAP's come in different sizes and shapes. Most cover your nose and mouth and force air into you. This air forces the breathing passages to stay open while you sleep and you don't stop breathing.

Two weeks later I returned to the doctor for the results. According to the sleep study results, I stopped breathing while sleeping an average of 24 times per hour for more than 10 seconds at a time. I have a mild to moderate form of sleep apnea. The doctor told me of one patient that stopped breathing while sleeping over 84 times in an hour.

So, I now have a CPAP or breathing machine. It sits next to the bed and I hook myself up every night. It doesn't cover my mouth, as it fits into my nostrils. It's been an adjustment, but if I can keep in on all night, I do wake up feeling better, more refreshed and awake.

I was pretty shy about letting Phil see me wearing it for the first time. But, being the loving and supportive man that he is, he suggested I fall asleep with it on alone and he would come to bed later. It worked. We were still able to snuggle and he said it hardly makes any noise - a lot quieter than my gasping for breath during the night! He also teases me about sleeping with a scuba diver. Between my CPAP machine and my restless leg syndrome (for which I am on medication, http://www.rls.org/), I must be a real "joy" to sleep with!

Oh, well . . .

I'll see how this works, how difficult it is to haul on trips, etc. But, if it puts an end to my constant tiredness then it will be worth the long adjustment period.

Fall is in the Air

Autumn is officially here. The official fall equinox was in September, but more than that I can feel it in the air. Despite the warm temperatures of the last few weeks, there is a coolness there, too. I can also hear fall in the wind in the trees, the leaves making a more brittle sound. And, it just smells like fall. My flowers are fading and pumpkins are appearing in the stores.

And, today the cold weather really has set in. I yanked the window air conditioner out of my bedroom window and added another blanket to my bed. My heat is on and I'm in my flannel jammies.

But, you know how I tell autumn is arriving? It's the geese.

Late August/early September the geese start to flock together. While outside or walking the dogs, I hear them honking and look up to see their V formation. Even though most of the geese around here don't fly south, they still follow their instincts to form the V formation and call out to each other

I happen to be a fan of geese. They have a lot of great attributes. To me the best is that they mate for life. It's seems to me that if geese can mate for life, we should be able to do the same. They also assist each other with the raising of their young. What a concept!

According to Animal Speak: The Spiritual & Magical Powers of Creatures Great & Small by Ted Andrews the "goose epitomizes the mystery of migration. They constantly shift formation, creating wind drafts and easier flights for those behind them in the formation. This reminds us that as any one individual makes his or her quest, it becomes easier for others to do so as well."

Andrews also points out that by not flying directly behind each other the "goose's view is unobstructed, reminding us that we should not undertake any quest in life without having a full view of what it entails. In this way the journey is facilitated for others."

There is also symbolic meaning in the V formation as it "reflects by its shape an opening to new possibilities."

And while I'm not happy about the amount of goose poop in local parks and other areas, I still enjoy watching them fly and hearing them honk. I love watching them swim with their young in the spring.

There are other signs of autumn, too. But for me, the flight of the geese is the surest sign of all.